Trapped inside the walls of hell
by Lady Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Summary: A 14 chapter story about Bellatrix's stay at Azkaban. One chapter for each year from Bella's POV, will contain rape and abuse and maybe a little Blackcest in there. Rodolphus is in this story too, what can I say, I like the guy. Please read and review.
1. Prologue

The trial didn't last long, it didn't need to. The evidence against us was overwhelming and we didn't deny the crimes they threw at us, why would we, we were proud, I was proud to have done His bidding, I was proud of the things I'd done. No, I wouldn't beg innocence and throw myself at the feet of those who wanted nothing more then to break me and see me crumble. I'd die first.

Narcissa had begged me to lie like most of the others had done, I wouldn't. Neither would Rodolphus nor Rabastian, we would stay loyal till death.

"But they'll lock you up for life, I'll never see you again!" Narcissa had sobbed into my shoulder, her delicate hands clutching at me desperately.

"So be it, sister. I'll not submit to them, I'll not go down without a fight." I had said softly in her ear. I love you my pet, I'll miss you terribly but you have to understand that I can't be anything other then what I am. A Death Eater and his most loyal servant.

Tears brimmed my eyes as I thought of my beloved Cissy, her beautiful smile, her soft and gentle hands. How I'll miss you my love, you'll be forever in my thoughts, please keep me in yours. My thoughts were broken as the carriage we were in came to a halt. I could hear the sea and smell the salt from the ocean in the air, seemed we'd reached our destination. Azkaban, the wizard prison. The Aurors inside the carriage with us watched us all for any sign of fear, I was schooled to show none. My face was a blank mask behind my unruly curls and I stared back at the Aurors with untainted defiance. One laughed and I turned my death glare to him with a haughty and arrogant look on my perfect features.

"The Wardens will have fun breaking this one" He laughed again, a few of his comrades joining in. "Pretty little thing, isn't she? Imagine the screams they'll pull out of those lips when she meets the whip for the first time." His smile turned dirty and his eyes took on a dark glint that made me feel suddenly uncomfortable. "Or when they fuck her so hard she'll wish she'd been granted the Dementors kiss."

Rodolphus was on him so fast, I hadn't time to react, my blood had ran cold and I tugged at the metal shackles holding my wrists to the walls of the carriage. It all happened so fast, shouting, cursing, a stunning spell then silence for the briefest of moments before the doors where pulled open. I looked down at my husband on the floor, he groaned as he was pulled from the carriage and bound with chains, his wrist tied in front of him. He wouldn't let them see him in any form of weakness and he struggled to his feet, blood dripping from a wound above his eye. The Auror he attacked lifted his hand and backhanded him across the face, I winced at the sound, but Rodolphus didn't even flinch. He turned his head back to the Auror and spat blood in his face. I laughed.

My laughter was cut short as I was hurled to the ground and I snarled a warning to the filth that had dared to lay hands on me. It was his turn to laugh and I earned myself a kick in the ribs as I snapped at his hand as he ran it down my cheek. Rodolphus' reaction was instant, he lunged forwards at the assaulting Auror but didn't get far, his chains where tugged, it took four of them to get him down but he fell to the ground like an animal but it didn't stop his rage.

"You dare lay a hand on my wife, I'll kill you!"

I heard the promise in his voice as I struggled to sit up from the sand, the ache in my side told me it was a hard kick, but nothing was broken. I looked at him, my husband. So proud and strong, build for war and battle. He towered over me by almost a foot and out weighed me twice over making me look even smaller than I was when he was next to me. I was pulled to my feet by my hair and I yelped in pain as the grip in my thick curls tightened so hard my eyes watered. Laughter sounded to my right and I caught a few words spoken to Rodolphus through the dark laughter and the crashing of the sea against the rocks.

My eyes connected with his and the fear I was holding so well inside threatened to spill out. I want to go home, Rod. Take me home, I'm cold and tired. Take me home. I was shivering as I was made to walk forwards. The black dress I was wearing did nothing to block out the chill wind from the sea and the light rain that was falling. I desperately tried to resist as the Auror who held my chain pushed into my back, the one on front looking over his shoulder was smiling that dirty smile again and I felt my heart constrict in fear and silent dread. They knew what was waiting for a woman behind the walls of Azkaban and I was starting to get an idea of the fate that awaited me.

I looked up at the huge prison in the middle of the sea, we had to travel to it by boat. Apparation didn't work near Azkaban, only the wardens could Apparate in and out, Aurors didn't have that privilege. I was made to sit and only when I did sit on the small bench did I realize my knees where shaking. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe, the panic that was rising in my chest was making it hard to breathe and I kept them closed as the boat I was sitting in bobbed and rocked as the others where herded in behind me. I felt sick.

"Bella, it's okay, love. Look at me, my dark angel. Be brave, don't show them you're frightened."

I opened my eyes and looked up into my husbands grey ones, he saw sat next to me and I couldn't help it, I broke. Tears fell from my eyes and I lent my weight against him, his bound wrists made it impossible for him to wrap his strong arms around me, so instead, he slipped his arms over my head and I rested against his chest. I felt his hands on the small of my back and he rubbed in gentle circles in an effort to calm me. I closed my eyes again and pretended I was at home in the living room by the fire, that this was a bad dream and I'd wake up at any moment. But it wasn't a dream and the thud of the boat coming to a stop made my breath hitch, my fate was now sealed. There was no going back.

The next few hours passed in a blur of humiliation and unjustified degradation. I was torn away from the others and Rodolphus shouts of protest carried along to the room I was unceremoniously thrown into, I stayed as composed as I could as I was stripped and searched by the less than gentle hands of a female warden who lingered to long in places that only I should give permission to be touched in. My eyes lifted to the male warden who was watching from the doorway, he had a crocked nose and a whip in his hand. I swallowed the building dread as he stepped forwards and ran his eyes over my perfect curves. He was eye fucking me so good I thought he may spill his seed right there. I felt sick again.

The female warden slipped a pair of white cotton knickers up my legs and covered my most intimate area from the eyes of my newly found admirer. Why thank you, bitch. Like you couldn't have put those on me sooner. My poison words where interrupted as my hair was fisted and my head was yanked back. I screeched in pain as I felt what I thought was hot needles going into the skin of my neck. I struggled and tried to get away, a sharp blow to my cheek from the wardens hand stilled my movements for only a moment but it was enough time for them to brand me for life like I was an animal. I was shoved away and I hit the stone floor with a thud. My hand instantly going to the burning on my neck. I ran my fingers over the tattoo. 93. So this was it, I was now marked as nothing but a number.

I covered my bare chest with my arms in an attempted to hide myself from the greedy eyes looking me over, but I kept my chin high and gave them both a look that spoke more than a thousand words. You are nothing, you are filth and I am your superior, one day you will pay for marking me. A silent promise. I had no time to think any more as I was dragged again to my feet and hurled into another room, this one slightly smaller than the other and empty of anything but a dead rat. I was shivering as the door was locked behind me and the tears in my eyes spilled down my cheeks as I looked down at my Dark Mark. My Lord, where are you?

Hours passed and I sat in the corner of the room with my arms wrapped around my knees trying to keep warm. I must have fallen asleep because the sound of the door opening made me jerk awake. I lifted my head off my knees and scrambled to my feet as Rodolphus was thrown into the room with me, I was in his arms in a heart beat. I pressed my face to his chest and his strong arms lifted me from the floor as he held me to him and hushed me gently. I was sobbing onto his neck. He prised me away from him and looked at my tear stained face, his rough thumb brushing over my cheek.

He held my shivering body to him, he had no clothes to drape over me, they'd left him in nothing but underwear too, but his ox like body wasn't shaking like mine was and his skin on mine offered me some warmth. I don't know how long he held me in his arms and whispered sweet things in my ear. He rocked me gently like I was a child, running his fingers through my hair in a gentleness I'd never known from him. It was over to soon and I clutched at him as the door opened and in stepped the wardens. My protests of being pulled away from him grew louder and more desperate as I was dragged one way and he another. I screamed for him, screamed his name over and over and I could hear him calling mine. I felt the little heart I had left, break a little more.

I sharp slap to my cheek hushed me and I felt a wand being pressed to my bare back as I was forced into a tiny cell. My bare feet walked over sharp stones that cut and hurt me as I was pushed inside the dank and dimly lit stone cell.

"Welcome home, 93. This is your new dwelling." The warden laughed as he shoved a prison uniform over my head.

Before I could react, I was pushed into the wall and my wrists where shackled and bound to the wall on chins that hardly gave me enough leverage to move.I struggled against the metal and yelped in pain as they grew hot against my skin. The warden laughed.

"Oh yes, the more you struggle the tighter they get and the hotter they get. Enjoy your stay at Azkaban, Madam Lestrange." He laughed again and gave me a mock bow before leaving the cell and slamming the door behind him.

I dropped my head into my hands and cried. My hell had began.


	2. Year One

**/ Authors note: I'd like to take a moment to thank a very good friend of mine who plays the best God damn Rodolphus Lestrange ever. Thank you for help with this idea. 3  
Thank you dearies, for you kind reviews. Next chapter will be up soon. **

How much time had passed, I wasn't sure. Days, months, years. It didn't matter, it was all the same. Everyday was a living nightmare, and every night I would fight the need to sleep because the nightmares would try to claim me. I'd stay awake until I so exhausted I'd pass out and not dream, but even then, in my sweet unconscious mind, I knew the horrors waiting for me when I woke.

I jerked awake at the sound of my cell door opening and I struggled to get to my feet, the shackles around my wrists rattled as I moved. My heart was already pounding in my chest at the thought of the Dementors coming back. Yesterday they'd left one in my cell all day, it had hovered over me like black mist, sapping any good memories I was holding on to in my mind away and replacing them with despair and dread. I sat in the corner that had become my home, shivering from the air they turned to ice and sobbing from the loss in my heart. The creature had fed from me, draining me, leaving me with nothing but sadness and misery. In those moments, I wanted to die.

The sight of the Warden did nothing to ease my pounding heart, and it pounded harder when I saw the other one behind him. Two of them, they had something planned I could see it in their eyes. I snarled in an attempt to keep them away, my defiance was yet to be broken nor matter the punishments I received. I'd been beaten and whipped and left to bleed on my stone floor, they'd starved me and left me for days alone in the dark with no light and I still snapped and scratched at them when they came near. It would take more than a few beatings to break me, the eldest daughter of The Noble House of Black. The Dark Lord hadn't accepted me into his most trusted circle because of my pretty face and ample chest. No, he'd accepted me for my endurance, for my passion and my malice, my cruelty and my lack of empathy and mercy. I could hold my own in a duel with any man, I'd never lost a fight and all my victims had fallen before my wand.

But now I had no wand, I had no defense against these people who liked to hurt me. I had nowhere to hide when the door opened. Fight or flight, I couldn't run, so I'd fight. It was always futile to do so, they always won, they were more and they had wand and whips, they were much stronger then me. I'd lost half my body weight in the time I'd been here, my hip bones and my ribs where starting to become visible, I'd lost my curves and my womanly figure that Rodolphus loved so much. He'd run his hands over my hips and up my flat stomach to my breasts, his grey eyes always drinking in my pale unmarked skin. He always showered me with kisses from my lips to my toes, teasing me with his tongue and loving me with every inch of him. How I miss you? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Are you thinking of me? Do you dream of me, of my touch, my taste, my smell? I dream of you when the nightmares see fit to give me a break, and I wake up crying for you to hold me. Where are you my strong warrior, my protector, my dark prince?

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the laughter of the Warden with the whip, I growled my defiance and his eyes flashed angry daggers at me. Fight or flight. . . Fight or flight. . . Fight. . . Fight. . .Fight. I tensed up as he raised the whip, it met my skin with a sickening crack and I can't help but scream as the hard leather connects with my thigh. He hit me harder then he normally did the first time, he's broken skin on the fist lashing and I could feel the blood beading on my sensitive flesh. Stop, please stop! I screamed the words in my head but didn't speak them, no, no weakness from Bellatrix Lestrange. No weakness from the Noble House of Black. I lifted my chin and met his eyes, the whip came down again across my side, and again and again.

I sank to the floor after the third lashing, I curled my arms around my head and whimpered as the lashing stopped and the pain grew in pitch. I was being punished for refusing to eat, I'd not eaten in three days, so they'd come to me and held me down, forcing a tube down my throat and force feeding me like I was nothing but an animal. Their rough hands had bruised me and they'd pulled the tube out of my throat to fast, it burnt and I coughed and vomited blood, they didn't care and they'd left me laying on my side on the cold stone struggling to breathe. They saw my refusal as being defiant, and disobedience means punishment.

Yet still I refused, I was fighting back with what I had. They couldn't let me die, there would be an inquiry if I was to die so soon after being brought here. The Head Warden didn't want that, oh no, questions would start and before long an uprising would begin. They didn't want that, The Blacks and the Lestrange', both powerful families and the Malfoy's would join in, my sister after all, was one. The Ministry didn't want that, inmates with powerful families were to be kept alive as long as possible. So the Wardens had just uped the game.

I braced myself for another blow, but it never came. I heard the sound of laughter, bitter and cruel behind me and I dared to turn around as the sound of more people coming into the tiny cell caught my attention. My breathing stopped and for a moment I swear my heart did too. He was chained by his wrists and a thick metal collar around his neck, he was bruised and bloody, but his eyes were full of fire and anger. He saw me and for the briefest of moments, time stopped. Our eyes connected and we spoke silent words across the cell. I scrambled to my feet and tried to get to him, the agony in my newly afflicted wounds forgotten. The shackles on my wrists stopped me and I tugged at them like a wild animal trying to free itself from a trap, my dark eyes wide and on him as I pulled and fought the iron chains.

He bellowed like a lion and one of the wardens was pulled forwards by the force of his struggles to get to me. I heard the snapping of bone as the wardens face hit the stone wall, I redoubled my efforts, calling his name in despite need. The next few moments passed by in a blur of curses and spells and Rodolphus was made immobile and chained to the wall not two feet from me, yet I still couldn't get to him. I didn't stop fighting my chains even as the shackles started to burn my skin. He turned his head to look at me, his grey eyes locking onto my own. He didn't flinch as the whip bite into his skin on his back. My eyes widened and I felt the tears fall and wet my cheeks, again the whip came down, again. . . again. . . again. I screamed and pulled on the chains, his blood sprayed my skin and only then did he make a noise of pain. I tore my eyes away after the twenty eighth lash and looked up at the Warden with pleading and tear filled eyes.

"Please stop, please, please, please. . . Don't. . .Please stop. I'll do anything just please, stop." I was on my knees, me, a proud Black and Lestrange, begging on my knees to someone so below me. I didn't care, he was all that mattered to me in that moment. They were hurting him because of me.

The Warden rose his hand and the lashing stopped. Rodolphus groaned but somehow stayed on his knees and didn't fall. I was sobbing like a child and I flinched as a hand gripped my tangled curls and pulled my head back.

"I'll make the pain on him stop Princess, /if/ you be a good little girl and do as your told."

I nodded as best I could and fell into the wall as I was pushed away. "I will, I will, please. . . J-just don't h-hurt him anymore."

The cell filled with laughter from the four heartless wardens that looked down on me. They'd found my weakness and I knew they'd now exploit it. I looked to Rodolphus and whimpered as they unchained him from the wall and dragged him to his feet, I stayed on my knees and he towered over me as they gave him a little room on his chains. He tried to not let the pain from his ruined back show as he knelt in front of me and cupped my face in his hands, ignoring the sneers from the monsters in the room with us. I covered his huge hands with my smaller ones and a fresh wave of tears fells from my eyes onto his hands.

"Mia Bella, no tears my Dark Angel." He whispered to me softly, his lips brushed mine and I choked on a sob as my grip on his hands tightened. "Don't give up, don't let them win, think of me as I think of you my Dark Sprit, think of me holding you, making love to you. My beautiful Black Pearl. . . Je t'aime ma sorcière noire, Je t'aime."

He used every pet name he'd ever given me and I felt my heart breaking as he was dragged away from me, my skin growing cold where his hands had been and warmed me. I stagged forwards trying to follow as I called his name. A sharp kick in the side where the whip had opened fresh wounds sent me to the floor and I sobbed into my hands as the door was slammed shut as I was left alone again with only his blood staining the floor and my skin. They'd found my weakness, now they would find his. Me.


	3. Year Two

**/ Author's note: Thank you all for the kind reviews! Please keep them coming, I love to know my hard work is so enjoyed. **

**Rodolphus, thank you again for this wonderfully twisted idea and thank you for letting me base this Rodolphus on yours. **

**Just a little warning, this chapter contains some things people may find hard to read. You have been warned. **

I woke to the feeling of something touching my ankle, at first I forgot where I was. In my dream I was at home, in my bed with my husbands strong arms around me. I was warm and safe and happy, a dream, only a dream. I wasn't at home, I was in a cell, I wasn't in my bed, I was on the cold stone floor, my husband wasn't here with his arms around my ever shrinking waist, he was suffering the same fate somewhere in this living hell.

I forced my eyes open and tried to focus on my surroundings, it was cold, so cold and I shivered as I lay there trying to hold onto the dream, it was fast fading. Maybe that was a good thing, without happiness and feelings of love, the Dementors had nothing to feed on and they left me alone, most of the time. A sharp pain in my foot made me wince and look down, I struggled to sit up and move away from the rat that was biting at my broken skin where I stood on a sharp stone yesterday as I paced the tiny cell.

My shackles rattled as I moved, I'd gotten used to the sound of the chains now, and they didn't hurt my head anymore, I ignored the sound. a healer had come to see me last month, she'd been kind and gentle and had told the Wardens to loosen my shackles and take them off once a day to let my broken skin heal. It had gotten infected and she said I was lucky I hadn't lost my hands, I didn't feel lucky. The scars on my wrists would be deep she said, as she had dressed the weeping wounds with herbs and clean dressings. She wasn't permitted to heal them with magic, it was against the rules of Azkaban to magically heal any inmate. So, once a day the healer had come to change the dressings and take care of the horrible wounds. They'd healed slowly, and I was now left with deep rutted scars on both my wrists. But now the shackles where looser and they came off once a day to let my skin have relief. I'd be forever grateful to that healer, she never told me her name, but when I asked her how long I'd been here, she told me one more month and I'd have been here two years. It seemed like a life time.

I watched the rat as it moved around the cell, sniffing at the dried blood on the floor from the cuts on my feet. I moved further back into the corner and shivered in the cold. The rats were always there, sometimes hiding in the shadows, or moving behind the walls, but they were always there, they'd bite at me in my sleep, testing to see if I was dead or alive. I had scars on my ankles from their teeth. They where bold and fearless, but they stayed away when I moved and they knew me to be awake. I wished the wardens would stay away. They were worse than the rats. The rats were only doing what they knew to do, the wardens took sick pleasure from hurting me. The whip marks on my back told a story of domination on their part and humiliation on mine. The scars would never fade.

I let out a soft whimper as my mind began to wonder, it wondered to Rodolphus. To the last time I saw him, months ago it had been. I clung onto the words he'd spoken to me, "Don't let them win." I was trying, so hard. I never cried in front of them, I tried not to scream when they whipped me, but I did, I did scream, I screamed and I cowered away from the whip, they laughed at me and I'd feel that fire of anger rise in my like a snake about to strike, but then, the image of them whipping him would come back and I'd cower down again. They hurt him because of me, the guilt of that was almost to much to bare. The sound of the lashings on his back still made me jump as I thought of it. I wouldn't give them a reason to hurt him because of me again.

I kept my eyes on the rat as it sat there grooming it's whiskers, it was calm and content in my presence, like I was in it's. It had no reason to fear me, and it sat happily in it own little world. Like I sat in mine, though mine was of pain and misery. I winced again as the half healed wounds on my back pressed against the stone wall behind me, the pain was something I'd grown accustomed to, it let me know I was still alive and still had some feelings other than grief and heartache. I scratched at the skin of my arm, a habit I'd developed to keep myself awake when the nightmares came, it soothed me for some reason and I listened to the soft sounds of the grooming rat and the harsh sounds of the waves crashing against the walls below my cell.

The rat suddenly froze, and so did I. It's ears pricked up and it's long whiskers twitched, I held my breath. It sniffed the air and scurried away to the shadows, vanishing in a small hole in the wall. They were coming and I longed to follow the creature to safety, they were coming and I was trapped. Trapped like a animal in a cage with no where to hide. I stayed on the floor and pulled my knees up tighter to my chest trying to make myself invisible. Go away. . . Go away. . . Go away. . .I chanted in my head as if the words would work, and the wardens would vanish and leave me alone. It never worked.

The heavy iron door opened and in they stepped, two of them. They looked at me and I looked at them, for a moment all was silent apart from the sound of the sea. My breathing was to shallow and my heart was beating to fast. Something was about to happen, something bad. The warden with the whip mumbled something I didn't catch and the other pulled out his wand and flicked it at my shackles, they fell from my wrists and hit the floor with a loud clatter. The relief to my skin was instant, but before I had time to enjoy it, ropes replaced the chains. I looked up confused, this was new. They'd never put ropes on me before. A hard tug of the ropes made me fall forwards and I hurriedly scrambled to my feet to avoid a kick in the ribs like they tended to do when I was on the floor.

"Come on, Princess. We're taking you for a change of scenery."

I could hear the malice in his voice and I visibly shivered, gladly it went unnoticed as I was pulled forwards out of the cell door and lead like a dog down the long corridor. The warden with the whip was behind me as I limped along to stone floor, he was whistling as if this was nothing but a walk in the park among friends and I could hear him swishing his whip as he walked. I kept my head down and my gaze on the floor as I was lead passed the cells of other inmates, the sounds of their screams and groans of the dying floated to my ears and I shut it out, focusing on the pain in my cut up feet I walked.

I was broken from my concentration as I was roughly shoved into a large room, the wardens behind me. I looked around and a strangled cry left my lips as my gaze fell into him. He was sat against the wall, chained and bound and covered in cuts, bruises and blood. I tugged at my ropes and heard the laughter of the men behind me.

"Let her go to him."

I heard the words as clear as day and suddenly my wrists where free and I all but ran to his side, dropping to my knees and instantly reaching out my shaking hands to him. I felt the tears on my cheeks as my hand brushed his face, he groaned and opened his eyes to look at me, his grey ones met my dark ones and for the first time since I'd been brought here, I felt that jump of happiness in my heart. Just to be at his side and touch him broke through the cold despair and warmed me just that tiny bit.

"Bella, my Bella. Merlin, I've missed you." He muttered to me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and almost sat in his lap to get as close to him as I could, burying my face in his neck and whimpering inaudible words. "Hush my Dark Sprite, not all this blood is mine." That rumbling chuckle I loved so much left his lips and I lifted my head to look at him, cupping his face and brushing my thumbs over his cheeks.

"I don't stop thinking of you, I-I dream of you sometimes and I wake up alone and cold without you. Why are you bleeding? What did they do?" I was rambling, I was did when I was upset, something I'd done since I was a child.

He shook his head and tried to pull his arms free of the chains so he could hold me, they wouldn't give and I could see the anger growing in his eyes. It was my turn to hush him as he started to curse and pull harder at the iron chains. He calmed under my gentle hands and my whispers in his ear. All the while the wardens behind us watched on, two more had joined them, but we hadn't noticed. We were wrapped in one another, and I was making up for him not being able to hold me by wrapping my legs and arms around his still bulky frame. I rested my head on his chest and he spoke soft words of love to me, for long moments I forgot where we were, for long moments I was at home again and everything was alright. Only for a moment.

I yelped in pain as a hand gripped me by my tangled curls and dragged me backwards, I was thrown to the floor and a foot on my chest stopped me from moving. I could hear Rodolphus' rage filled curses at the wardens and I bravely struggled to free myself from under his heavy boot. I had little time to do anything else as my wrists were gripped and tugged over my head, I tried to pull free but it was useless. They were stronger then me and I was panicking now at the sound of horror in Rodolphus' shouts. What were they going to do to me? I didn't know, I couldn't see the one behind and I tried to turn my head to look, earning myself a sharp backhander to the face.

I was momentarily disorientated and I stopped my struggles for a moment as I let my vision clear. The hands on my legs made my blood run cold and the sound of a zipper being undone made my heart skip a beat in fear. I suddenly realized what they where going to do to me. Oh please no! I had little time to do anything, my legs were forced apart so roughly I felt my hip bone crunch, I struggled and tried to close my legs as my uniform was lifted and I was exposed for their unworthy eyes. Rodolphus curses and shouts where getting more and more frantic as the warden freed his erection from his trousers.

I looked away as tears brimmed in my eyes, this was the ultimate degradation for any woman, but I as a pure-blood witch this was the lowest form of submission. To be taken by force by a man of lowly status, I would be forever tainted. I tensed up as his fingers probed at me, a soft noise of distress leaving my lips. He laughed and pushed his fingers inside, it hurt but I stayed as silent as I could. Rodolphus shouts and threats to the monsters drowned out the sound of the wardens moan as he pulled his fingers away and replaced them with his erection. In one hard painful thrust he buried himself in me. I couldn't help the noise of pain I made as he began his rough and pounding thrusts. It hurt, it burnt and I tried to imagine anything else, it didn't work.

Hours passed and they all took their turns in violating me. One, twice, three times, it didn't matter. I was numb to the pain now and my blood and their filthy seeds, made me wet enough so it didn't hurt as much anymore, even Rodolphus had fallen silent. I was finally left as they moved away from me, my wrists were freed and in a pathetic attempt of dignity I sat up with a soft cry of pain and pulled my blood stained uniform over my shaking legs. I kept my head down as the Warden spoke to him, listening to his words but not really taking them in, I was dazed and the pain in my stomach made me feel sick.

"Now Lestrange, this is what's gonna happen to your lovely wife if you misbehave again, do you understand?" The monster said in an overly sweet voice to my now silent husband.

I wasn't looking, so I didn't see Rodolphus nod his head, I didn't see the look he gave the monster that promised a painful death to him, no matter how long it took to come, it would happen. One day. I couldn't help cry in pain as I was dragged to my feet, I kept my eyes on the floor, on my own blood on the stone. I could feel it sticky on my legs. I wouldn't look at Rodolphus, shame and embarrassment burnt in my eyes, I wouldn't let him see me so broken and defeated. I was his, no other man had ever touched me. I'd given myself to him willingly and he'd been so tender and gentle that first time, I'd felt no pain. I was his Dark Angel, his wife and his lover, now others had taken from me what should only belong to him. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. They laughed.

His voice calling my name broke through the laughter of the monsters, through my sobs of shame and I lifted my head to look at him, my eyes full of sorrow and pain. He looked back at me with love and adoration in his own eyes, talking to me without words. I love you Mia Bella, I love you and only you, you're mine, you belong to me. You're my Queen and mine alone.

I felt fresh tears fall as I was dragged away, I could hardly walk but I struggled to make it back to my cell without falling, I succeeded though the pain was agony. I was pushed inside and I stumbled to the corner and slid down the wall, they'd found his weakness, just like they'd found mine. I hide my head in my hands and screamed, I screamed over and over until my throat was raw. Sobs took over the screams and I felt the despair in my heart like a dead weight. Tonight, I wouldn't sleep.


	4. Year Three

**/Authors note: Thank you so much for all the reviews! This chapter is a little less dark than the others, I think. . . **

**Please keep reviewing for me and I'll keep updating. **

**Roddie, thank you for all the help and support you've given me on this. **

**Trin, your reviews always make me smile. **

**Cissa, you're yet to read this, I wonder what you're reviews will be. **

_Teardrop on the fire_

_Fearless on my breath. ~Massive Attack~_

It happened again and again after that first time. The same wardens that violated me in front of my husband came to me in my cell, there was no reason for it. There was no punishment to be had because of anything he'd done. No. This was sick and twisted pleasure on their part. For my part, I tried all ways to make it stop, I stayed silent, I cried, I screamed, I begged and pleaded, I even fought back a few times but that just got Rodolphus beatings he didn't deserve.

They'd drag me into the room with him, keeping us apart, not letting us touch or speak to each other. They'd laugh at my broken sobs and they'd laugh at his open rage at them. They had all the power here, we were but puppets, they were our string workers. I was breaking down slowly, they were robbing me of my last bit of dignity with every forced thrust and every pitiful whimper they pulled from me. Sometimes they'd take me in front of him like the first time, making him watch, making me do things that would make even a whore blush and shy away. I didn't have the luxury of shying away, if I didn't do as they said, he'd get the whip. If he didn't do as they said, I'd get the whip. We're were losing the fight against them, they'd found our weakness and they were using it.

I jumped as my cell door swung open and instantly I clamped my legs together and pressed my back into the wall, my eyes locked onto the doorway. My shackles had been removed earlier that day so I knew that wasn't why they were coming. I was shivering in fear, me, Bellatrix Black Lestrange, shivering in fear from these men. The shame of it made me try to force the shivers away, to be brave like he told me too, to think of him and know that one day our Master would come back for us. One day.

I forced myself to not look away as the warden stepped inside, they had no names to me. They were all monsters with whips, but this one had a scar down his face that I gave him during my first months here. He was always brutal in his treatment of me. "Pay backs a bitch, Lestrange." He had whispered in my ear the first time he'd held me down and cut me with his knife across the top of my rib cage. I'd glared up at him and stayed silent as the metal bite into my skin, he'd cut deeper and I'd clenched my fists in an attempt to ease the pain, of course it didn't work, but I'd stayed silent and he hadn't won the battle that day. I had. And because of that, he'd taken a hatred to me that was unmatched by any other.

I watched him as he knelt in front of me to meet my eyes, his rough hand jutted out and he grabbed a fist full of my tangled curls. I made a soft noise of pain and he sneered at me as his other hand forced my legs apart. He lent forwards as his fingers roughly probed at my core, I was still sore down there from the treatment I'd received only yesterday and I winced in pain. His evil tongue licked at my ear lobe and I tried to pull away but his grip on my hair only tightened.

"Listen to me, my beauty. If you be a good little whore and suck my dick without bitting it off, I'll let you spend tonight with your husband. Would you like that my kitten?" His words were like poison in my ear, but I didn't try to pull away again.

I looked at him as he moved back to meet my eyes, his disgusting fingers still touching me. I swallowed the bile that had risen in my throat and nodded slightly. He grinned, an evil and dark grin that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Wait, how do I know you're not lying. That you won't let me see him after. . . " I couldn't even say it.

"Hmm, indeed. Well, my beaut, you'll just have to trust me. Either way you're going to wrap those pretty lips around my cock. I can force you with the whip, or you do it willingly and you get to see hubby. Your choice, kitten."

He was already freeing his erection from his trousers as he stood up in front of me, tugging on my hair to drag me to my knees. I did as he told me, his moans made me feel sicker than I already did, and I winced as his grip on my hair tightened. His hips bucked forwards and it took all of my self control not to clamp my teeth down, no, I couldn't. Rodolphus would suffer horribly if I did, so I did it and never in my life had I hated myself more.

He pushed me away when he was finished and I hit the wall behind me, bruising my already bruised back. He looked down at me as he zipped up his trousers, a horrible smile on his face and a flush to his cheeks. I felt tears in my eyes but I blinked them away, I wouldn't let him see me cry.

"You've a talented mouth, my little whore. We'll be doing that again soon. Now, you wait here and I'll go get your reward."

The door slammed shut behind him and I stood on shaking legs, waiting, hoping. I was shaking again, but not from fear this time and the sound of booted feet coming back up the hall made my heart stop. I stood still and waited as the door was opened again and Rodolphus was shoved inside. I was in his arms before the door closed behind him. I don't know if he ran to me or I ran to him, either way he was holding me. My feet were off the floor he was crushing me against his chest so tightly I couldn't breathe. I didn't care, I didn't need to breathe air now I was in his arms. For this moment, I was safe, my protector wouldn't let them hurt me.

I was sobbing and talking at the same time, falling over my words and trying to get them all out at once. He hushed me gently and lowered himself to the floor, sitting me straddling his lap with his arms still fast around my tiny waist. He had tears in his eyes as he held me, I'd never seen him cry and I hushed all my own sobs and whimpers and smoothed my hands down his face. He kissed my hands and smiled at me. I felt all the last three years of pain and misery melt away in that single moment.

"Mia Bella, I've missed you mon amour. Hush now, no more tears. Mia Bella, mine, mine, you're still mine."

I nodded and hiccuped on a loud sob, suddenly wanting him, needing him. I needed that connection with him and reached my hands around to his and slowly guided them down my body and over my hips. We'd danced this dance a million times and he read my signs and took them with slight hesitation, mindful of what I'd been through. I lent forwards and pressed my lips to his, it was the green light he needed and his animal passion for me took over. I felt his hands reach down and pull my clothes over my head, breaking the kiss for the briefest of moments to free me off it before his lips met mine again, this time more frenzied. I moaned sweetly, the way I knew he liked as his wonderful hands ran over my body, he was gentle with me, slow and loving and his fingers trailed every inch of my skin.

I felt the heat flowing through my body coming to settle between my legs and I whimpered for him. He lowered me to my back on the stone floor, pulling off his own clothes and bunching them up like a pillow to cradle my head. We were both panting, and the cold stone felt good against my fevered skin. I giggled like a school girl as he nibbled my neck and playful tickled at my ribs like he used to when our lives were perfect. Before this hell, before I was ripped from his arms and treated like a muggle whore,but for now that didn't matter. I lifted my leg to wrap around his waist, lifting my hips and telling him what I wanted. I could feel his erection pressing against me and I wanted him inside me, filling me, making me complete. He looked into my eyes as he ever so gently pushed himself inside me. It hurt a little, I was still tender from the wardens attentions, but I needed this, I needed to be with my husband, reform our bond and feel the love from him that he had for me.

I made a soft gasping moan and he stayed still as he slowly lifted my other leg and hooked it around his waist to join the other. My arms snaked around his neck and I nodded to him to coax him on, he kissed me softly as he began to move, his thrusts were slow and gentle, tender and loving. Like our first time. It wasn't long before I was lifting my hips into his thrusts and my moans had become cries as my body began to tense up at my approaching climax. He was whispering sweetly in my ear, his breathing uneven and harsh, I felt him twitch inside me, he was holding off, waiting for me to peak first. I had my eyes closed and my nails where biting into the scared skin of his shoulder.

"Look at me, Mia Bella. Open your eyes my Dark Sprite, I want to drown in you, in those eyes."

I obeyed and my eyes locked into his as he moved above me, my lips parted and my back arched as my inner walls clamped down on him. I was shattering and he caught my cries of pleasure in his mouth and he moaned his own release into mine. I wasn't in hell anymore, I was in Heaven.

We talked for hours, I lay in his arms and he smoothed my tangled curls, using his huge hands to ever so lovingly untangle the knots. I was warm for the first time since we'd been shoved into this living hell. His skin on mine felt like home. He made love to me again and again until we both collapsed into each others arms, sweat covered our skin and we both sported lazy smiles and I was sure my nails had broken the skin on his shoulders. I fell asleep in his arms, my head against his barrel chest. He held me in a firm grip, possessive, protective, telling the world I was his no matter where we were, I was his.

It was over to soon and the sound of booted feet outside my cell door made me jerk awake. He clung to me tighter, I whimpered and buried my face in his neck.

"Don't go. . . Please don't go, don't leave me here alone. Rod, please. . .Don't let them take you from me." I Mumbled into his neck as his hands pulled me to sit up.

I went limp in his arms, resting my weight on him and trying so hard not to cry as he pulled my clothes over my head and dressed me like I was a doll. He was trying to save my dignity. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had none left.

The door opened and the monsters entered, whips at the ready, they knew this wasn't going to be easy. He'd pulled me to my feet and pressed me into the corner, he was standing in front of me in a bid to protect me, his body shielding my own. I was in a blind panic and I didn't hear what the monsters were saying, they were talking to him, trying to ease him away from me and it wasn't working. They used me to keep him submissive, but now they couldn't get to me his body was protecting me like a human shield. I heard the cracking of whips, heard Rodolphus grunt, but he didn't move, he refused to fail as my protector, he refused to let them put their hands on me, on his Dark Angel, I was his and no other man could have me. But it didn't work that way anymore.

He fought valiantly for me, taking lash after lash. All the while I pressed my front against his already scared back, it was futile to hope that they'd give up and let him stay with me, but I hoped anyway. I received a lashing to the side and I bite back the cry of pain as the leather broke my skin. The whip come towards me again and Rodolphus lifted his arm to shied me from the blow, it wrapped around his forearm and gave the monsters the leverage they need, they tugged and he was pulled forwards. I was exposed and I felt rough hands grip me and throw me against the wall, my shackles snapped back into place and I screamed my rage at them as I pulled and tugged with all my strength on the chains, all the while, he fought them.

It took five of them to get him out of my cell, I don't know how many blows he received, how many Crucio's and stunning spells, he wouldn't give up. I heard him shouting he loved me, as they dragged him away, that'd he'd die for me, kill for me, that I was his reason for breathing. I didn't stop fighting my chains, my skin was cut and bleeding and I was almost certain something in my wrist had snapped. I screamed and screamed until my throat was so raw I couldn't scream any more.

I didn't stop my struggles on the chains until I physically couldn't fight anymore. That night I shared my cell with a Dementor, but it was worth it. And I'd do it again if I could.


	5. Year Four

/ Authors note: Thank you again for the reviews, this chapter turned out different to what I'd planned. It's a little dark and twisted. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

_Babble babble bitch bitch_

_Rebel rebel party party_

_Sex sex sex and don't forget the "violence"_

_Blah blah blah got your lovey-dovey sad-and-lonely_

_Stick your STUPID SLOGAN in:_

_Everybody sing along._

_Everything has been said before_

_There's nothing left to say anymore_

_When it's all the same_

_You can ask for it by name,_

_Are you motherfuckers ready. . . ~Marilyn Manson~_

I stared down at my Dark Mark on my arm, it had faded over the last four years. Where as before it was black against my pale skin, a trophy of my loyalty to my Lord. Now it was dull and grey, it hadn't pulsed in the time I'd been here, it hadn't burnt me as he called to me. . . Because he hadn't called. I was a solider without my commander, I was a servant with no Master. But I still held hope, as small as it was, it was there, in my heart. And no matter how hard the Dementors tried, they couldn't drain me of it. I knew, one day he'd come back for us. He'd come back and reward us for our unwavering loyalty. One day.

I was stroking my dirty and blood stained fingers over my beloved Mark when my cell door opened, I jumped from the noise startled by the sound, I'd been so lost in my thoughts, my memories, that I hadn't heard the booted feet outside my door. I looked up from behind my tangled mess of curls at the warden who came in, it was scar face and instantly I pressed my back harder against the wall. The last time I'd seen him he'd broken my rib with a fierce kick I didn't deserve, he'd dragged me into Rodolphus' cell by my hair, throwing me against the wall mere inches from where my husband was chained and he took me so forcefully I couldn't stand up when he'd finished and let me go, then he'd taken pleasure in beating Rodolphus almost to death in front of me. I hadn't done anything wrong, I didn't understand why he was doing it. I later learned that Rodolphus had crippled one of the wardens who had raped me. He'd crippled him beyond healing, all with his bare hands and the monster would never walk again. He promised me he'd get them all, one by one, he didn't care how long it took, he'd get them all, including scar face. It had already began.

I mentally began to tense myself for a round of beatings and lashings and forced sex that made me feel so dirty I could have ripped off my own skin. He was the worst of them all, he made me do things I didn't know existed, he used things on me, bruised me, cut me and made me so ashamed of myself for letting it happen I wanted to die. The sound of a womans voice made me look up and a female warden I'd never seen before met my eyes. She was red haired and green eyed, short and stocky but with a kind face and almost gentle eyes. She smiled slightly at me in the most reassuring of ways. . . Oh how looks can be deceiving.

I wasn't stupid, and I could see past her sweet smile and pretty face to the rotten soul underneath. Women could be just as twisted and cruel as men, I was living proof of such a thing and seeing a woman did little to sooth my anxiety. Scar face mumbled something I didn't catch and he left her with me and closed the door behind him. She took a few steps to me and I snarled threateningly at her to keep away. She stopped but her sweet smile remained in place and she looked at me with forced pity in her eyes.

"Oh, it's okay my dear. No need for all the growling, you're not a dog are you Bellatrix? If you want to act like one I can treat you like one, but I know you don't really want that."

Her voice was like a child's, high pitched and childish. It crawled under my skin and made me twitch in growing anxiety. I pressed my back harder to the wall, wishing it to make me vanish. All the while she came closer. I growled again, holding up my hand to try to keep her away.

"D-don't. . . Stay away from me." My voice was crackled and raw from all the screaming I'd done, my throat burnt on every word and I winced as I tried to swallow.

She did stop and in a heartbeat her wand was in her hand, I tensed and readied myself for something. It never came, instead she pressed a cup of water into my out stretched hand. I blinked and looked at the cup then back at her, she nodded and gingerly I lifted the cup to my cracked lips. She smiled that sweet smile again and flicked her wand to release me from my shackles, they fell to the floor and I lowered the cup from my lips and licked them. She smiled again.

"Good girl. Now then, come with me dear, I'm going to get you all cleaned up ready to see your sister." She took the cup from my hands and waved her wand at it, vanishing it without a sound.

I blinked at her, my heart skipping a beat. Did I hear right? My sister was coming to see me? I felt her hand take mine and she helped me to my feet, I stumbled once but she held me up with no fear of me as she led me from my cell.

"M-my sister. . . Cissy's coming here?" I could hear the pleading in my voice, telling myself it was true and she wasn't playing a cruel joke on me.

She didn't respond and I let her lead me to the shower room. Her hands were gentle as she stripped me and put me under the spray of the shower. She was humming as she began to wash me like I was a child, I felt my body tense up, but slowly I began to relax. She washed my hair and flicked her wand at it, removing the tangles and cutting it to just below my breasts, the length it had been on my first day here. She was soft and tender and almost loving as she cleaned me up and spoke softly to me. I was all but purring as her hands worked through my now tangle free hair. Human touch was something I'd always craved, Rodolphus said he thought it was maybe due to my lack of love as a child from my parents that I found comfort in the slightest loving touch. Whatever the reason I carved it so badly, I was accepting it now without question.

She was still talking to me, telling me news of the outside world, telling me it was a sin to let such beautiful curls go to a mass of tangles. I wasn't listening, my eyes had become heavy and I was so relaxed under the hot spray from the shower and this womans caresses in my hair I was sure I'd fall asleep. I dared to hope this woman would be fast become Head Warden, she was kind and I wondered a person with such a heart would be working in a place like this. I was about to find out.

My half closed eyes snapped open as her hand slipped down my body, I froze as her fingers gently rubbed over my core. No, no, no. . . I wasn't going to let a woman do this to me, I wasn't going to become so weak that anyone could take their share of my body. I tried to turn around but she was a lot stronger than she looked, the hand that had been lovingly stroking my hair wrapped around my tiny waist to hold me still as her fingers slipped through my folds to brush my clit. I left her naked body pressed against my back, when had that happened? I couldn't remember her removing her clothes or getting under the water with me. I was pressed against the cold tiles as I struggled to free myself of her iron grip, her fingers smoothed over my sweet spot, I whimpered and my struggles became more half hearted as she began to kiss my shoulder with soft lips. Was I really moving my hips against her hand? She was whispering in my ear telling I was beautiful, her fingers moving a little faster over my rapidly hardening nub, I was getting wet and it had nothing to do with the water, her fingers felt so good, so soft and gentle. Was I really moaning?

My knees shook as I climaxed to her expert fingers, my head fell back on her shoulder and I whimpered Rodolphus' name, guilt welling in my heart as her hands held me up letting me come down from my high. She was chuckling a dark and sinister chuckle behind me as she moved away and I turned to face her, my cheeks flushed and my eyes filled with tears of shame. She tapped her wand and the water stopped, her smile was pure evil as the tears slipped down my cheeks.

She dried and dressed herself with a flick of her wand. Her hand reached for me and I shied away, she laughed. It was a twisted and cold, I'd never forget that laugh as long I lived. The shame inside me grew as she gently pulled me from the shower and dried me in a fluffy towel, dressing me in clean clothes and drying my curls, she spent a while tending my curls, all the while I kept my head down and tried not to think what had just happened. I felt unclean and filthy. I felt more dirty than when the men raped me. I couldn't see my sister, I couldn't let her see me this way, the shame would be clear in my eyes, she'd know. . . no, I couldn't see her no matter how badly I wanted to. My Cissy, I couldn't let her see me this way.

"I-I can't see her. . . I. . . Can't see. . her. Tell her, I love her." I didn't look up as I spoke to the sick and twisted swine who was still lovingly brushing my hair.

"Oh my poor dear, of course I'll tell her. Don't you worry that pretty head of yours, Dolorus will take care of everything." Her voice was sickeningly sweet and felt my skin crawl and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

She'd lured me into a false sense of security and I'd fallen for it.

I hugged my knees to my chest in my cell a few hours later. I was clean and my hair fell in thick glossy ringlets around my face, I had on clean clothes and all the blood and dirt was gone but I'd never felt so dirty. I rested my forehead on my knees and rocked myself to sleep.

She came to me a few days later and placed a tender kiss on my forehead, I was chained and held fast to the wall, helpless to stop her caresses of my face.

"I'm leaving, Bellatrix. I've been offered a job at the Ministry for Magic, I came to say goodbye to my favorite inmate. Be a good girl and maybe Dolorus will come see you again."

I stayed silent, not trusting my mouth if I opened it. I'd stiffened under her twisted touches. She smiled that sweet smile and my insides curled into knots.

"Just think, Bellatrix, when I'm running for Minister, you can say how kind Dolorus Umbridge was to you." She patted my head and left the cell without another word, the door slammed behind her and I stared at the place she'd been standing.

I turned my head and screamed.


	6. Year Five

**/ Authors note: Thank you for the kind and wonderful reviews! They mean so much to me. **

**Rodolphus, thank you for your continued support on this story and for making me laugh with quotes from Disney movies. **

**Trin, again as always you're reviews make me smile. **

**Thank you all again. Much love.**

_I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets_

_looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets_

_I've been raising up my hands_

_Drive another nail in_

_Where are the angels when you need them. ~Tori Amos~ _

Days, weeks, months passed. Everyday was the same, they hurt me, abused me, violated me in every way they could think of. It was always the same, but I was growing numb to it now. Before I would cry after it happened, I'd sob into my hands and the humiliation, shame and pain would overwhelm me. Now, I don't cry anymore. I don't feel anything after they degrade me, I feel no shame anymore, why would I, they've done everything the possible could to dishonor me. Why would I feel shame for something that happens more times in a week than I can count.

I could feel my mind slowly descending into a dark place, I'd wake myself up screaming and my own cackled laughter would frighten me. I'd look around my cell for the other woman making that horrible eerie sound, then I'd realize it was me and I'd only laugh louder. Five years of abuse and constant cruelty was taking it's toll on me, I didn't know how much longer I could last.

The Dementor was coming to close to me, I'd lashed out at a warden almost two weeks ago and this was my punishment. Rodolphus was suffering the same fate as me for my lash out. This was how it worked now, as well as the physical abuse they'd give us when one stepped out of line, this was their new form of entertainment. I "misbehaved" so he also took punishment for me. I twitched slightly as the foul thing came closer, the air around me was freezing and I was shivering uncontrollably in fear as well as the cold. A soft whimper left my lips as I tried to get away from it and the stone wall and my shackles stopped any escape.

The memories were like poison and I could do nothing to stop them flooding my mind like a plague. My mother's cane coming down on my back for something I didn't do. My father's voice muttering a Crucio as his wand was pointed at my chest. Punishments the Dark Lord had given me and my feeling of utter despair at disappointing him. Would he be disappointed now? Would he see fit to punish me for my weakness? I looked down at my Mark and ran my fingers over it lovingly, pressing on it again and again like I had done so many times. It didn't stir, it never did.

I felt the air shift and I looked up from my Mark, the Dementor was inches from me and I felt my blood run cold. I tried to move away but I was trapped, I had no escape. Screaming was futile, no one ever came. I was frozen in living terror as it opened it's thing that was classed as it's mouth and inched ever closer to me. I couldn't blink nor turn away. The cell door banged opened and the creature backed away, hovering over the stone floor like putrid mist. I was still unable to move as I heard the wardens voice and felt the presence of the dark creature start to leave, the air warmed a little and the darkness that came with these creatures began to lift from me. It was gone.

I almost cried in relief at finally being freed of it, my slight joy was short lived as the foul potion they made me drink everyday was shoved down my throat. I coughed on the liquid and almost brought it back up again, but I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep it down, this was one potion I was willing to take. It stopped me conceiving a child. The thought of it made me blink back tears of sorrow. Rodolphus and I had wanted children, he wanted four, two boys and two girls. Me, I would have been happy with one. A boy to carry to on the Lestrange name, a strong warrior like his father. That would never happen now, all these potions were sure to be doing damage to me.

I kept my eyes down as I slowly lowered my hand from my mouth after I was sure the potion would stay in my stomach and not come back up on the stone floor. I felt the shimmer of magic and I looked up started as the warden flicked his wand at me again, what was he doing? I didn't feel any pain, I dared not take my eyes off him as he laughed at my obvious confused expression. His hand lifted and I flinched, expecting him to hit me. He didn't. He was using a cleaning spell on me, cleaning themy blood and dirt stained skin. My hair felt lighter as he mumbled a few spells and charms, untangling it and cleaning it. I could feel my whole body tensing up as my anxiety grew.

"Take it easy, Lestrange. I'm not all bad you know, Kitten."

My shackles were dropped from my wrists with another flick of his wand and replaced with a lead chain and a metal collar around my neck, my hands where bond in cuffs and chains. They were to tight. I stiffened up as he pulled me to my feet, I stumbled a few times before I got my balance, the pain in the base of my spine was agony and every walking step was torturer. Five years of sleeping on a stone floor and being chained to a wall was catching up with me, I was one of the lucky ones. I had a relief from my chains once a day, Rodolphus didn't have that. I tried not to think of him, the pain of not being with him was crushing me like a weight on my shoulders. I missed him so much. I hadn't seen him since the beating they'd given him in front of me. I found myself hoping he'd do something wrong just so they'd put us together while they hurt me, at least I'd get to see him again.

I walked behind the warden as he lead me down the corridor, footsteps told me there was one behind me and I cold hear the sound of the hilt of his whip being dragged along the wall. Where were they taking me? I swallowed the rising panic as I was pulled to a stop outside an iron door, my heart was thumping so hard in my chest I was sure they could hear it. The door opened and I was lead inside, I looked around and my eyes fell on the woman sitting at a small wooden table, my heart stopped.

She stood up as I was lead into the room, a huge man with his wand at the ready stepped forward and muttered to her to "please take her seat." She did, but I could see it in her eyes she wanted to turn and hex him. I stood still and just stared at her, her hair was tied behind her head in a neat bun, her clothes and make up were flawless, but then I'd never expect any less of my Cissy. Her blue eyes were filling with tears as she looked at me, her hand went to her heart and she bite her bottom lip to stop it trembling. Please don't cry, my pet.

I was pushed forwards and I saw her eyes harden in anger as I was shoved into the chair opposite her. She reached her hands across the table and I lifted mine to touch her, the small crop came down so fast on my forearm I didn't see it. I jerked my hands away but made no noise. Her nostrils flared in anger and she met the wardens eyes with a steal glare.

"I would ask you to please restrain yourself, Sir." Her voice was cold and hard as she spoke to him, her eyes darkened slightly in raw anger. She said no more and turned away from him, turning her attention back to me, her eyes instantly warming again.

"Cissy, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here." My voice was crackled and husky, my throat still hurt from the tube they used to force feed me with this morning, I lifted my hand to the collar and winced slightly. She saw it.

"Oh my Bella, what have they done to you." She was not trying to hide the tears now. I felt my heart hurt for her pain and wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell it would be okay, even though it was a lie. "I had to come to you, I miss you so much, Bella. I-I can't s-s-stop thinking about you."

I reached out my hand to her, the crop came down again and I pulled my hand back. This time I snarled at the warden. One of the huge men I guessed to be an Auror stepped forward. Cissy held up her hand and he stopped. I stared at him with open hate and he returned my stare with vigor. I placed my hands in my lap and met her tear filled eyes.

"No tears, Cissy. It's okay, I'm still alive, they'll not break me. I miss you to my love, I do. I try to think of you. . . The Dementors, they. . . They make it hard, but I do think of you."

She nodded slightly, her hands twitching as she fought the desire to reach out to me. Her pain was cutting into me like a physical blade. I could only imagine how I looked to her. My womanly curves were gone, I was all bone and cuts and bruises. I looked down at my hands, suddenly to shamed to look at her as tears brimmed my eyes.

"Bella, please don't give up. We're trying to get you out of here. Just hold on, for me, hold on."

She was sobbing now and I looked up at her with nothing but love and adoration in my eyes, begging her to understand what I was about to do and why I was doing it. I love you, please keep me in your thoughts, sister. I reached for her again and caught her hands in mine, I was on my feet with a speed that I shouldn't have been able to accomplish in my weakened state. I pulled her into my arms as best I could with the cuffs and chains around my wrists. She fitted against me perfectly and I breathed in her smell again, saving it to memory.

"I love you." I whispered to her, before pushing her away with such force she fell into the Auror that had stepped forwards to pull me away from her. He never got a chance.

I felt the bite of the whip, but I ignored the pain as I turned to the warden with such ferocity I saw his eyes widen in fear. Everything moved in slow motion, His wand came up but I was somehow faster and I leaped onto him like a wild animal, pinning him to the floor. The chains holding my hands together went around his neck as I shifted and rolled onto my back, pulling him with me and pulling back on his neck with all my remaining strength. He tried to fight me as his eyes began to bulge and his lips turned blue. It was useless, in his panicked state I was stronger. His body was my shield and the Aurors where helpless to use their wands on me. I could hear her screaming as they held her back, my eyes were on her as I heard something snap in his neck and he went limp on top of me. I'd snapped his neck. I heard the sound of mad and manic laughter, it was mine. I shrieked in joy and somewhere behind me in the cells down the hall outside of the room, other inmates had taken up my war cry.

I screeched my joy to the walls of Azkaban, my comrades had heard me and railed to my voice, I could hear the sound of spells and whips in the back round as the wardens tried to retain order. I knew Rodolphus would be among the voices I could hear screaming their defiance. I screamed louder, my throat was burning but I didn't stop. I kicked the body away from me as I tied to get to my feet, and no sooner as I did, I felt the spell hit me in the chest and everything went black.

I don't know how much time passed before I woke in my cell, my back was bleeding from the lashes they'd given me and I made a small noise of pain as I tried to sit up. Something made a crunching noise in my hip and I screamed in agony as I moved my leg. They'd broken my hip. I lay back down on the floor, my whole body shivering in pain and exhaustion. Tears fell from my burning eyes, her expression as I'd pushed her away would be forever logged in my memories. I could only hope she understood why I did what I did.

I couldn't let her see me this way, I saw the pain on her face and the hurt in her eyes to see her warrior so broken. I couldn't let her come to this place and share this pain and suffering. She's to innocent and pure. She's light and love and an angel of my heart. The white to my black, the angel to my demon. I wouldn't let her break down because of seeing me this way, a common whore for their pleasure. A puppet on their strings. No, to her I always wanted to be her Dark Warrior, proud and strong. This way I always would be.

I wrapped my arms around myself and for the first time in weeks, I sobbed in nothing but sorrow.


	7. Year Six

**Authors note: Sorry it's been a little while since my last upate. I've had major things going on in my life, still do really, and I haven't really had the time. But here, you're waiting is over. This chapter contains Blackcest, if you don't like it I suggest you skip this chapter and wait for the next one, okay squishy people. **

**Thank you for the many kind reviews, it's lovely to see. **

**Cissa, (The Blackest of Sins) Thank you for helping with this chapter, this one's for you, love. **

**Rod, As always, it's because of your Rodolphus this story was even writen. Thank you. **

**I wish I could thank you all one by one, but I don't have the time so a huge THANK YOU to all! **

_Everyone is waiting for the light_

_be afraid, don't be afraid_

_the sun is shining out of my eyes_

_it will not set tonight_

_and the world counts loudly to ten_

_One_

_Here comes the sun_

_Two_

_Here comes the sun_

_Three_

_It is the brightest star of all_

_Four_

_Here comes the sun ~Rammstein_

The thunder sounded to close, was it in my head or outside raging in the dark sky over the sea? It rolled again, growling like some demon creature from the black abyss. The sound was beautiful, the storm was like music to me. . . If I could remember what music was. The waves crashed against the stone far below my cell and the rain sheeted down from the ink black sky to fill the already swollen sea. Maybe it would rise enough to pour in through the tiny slit in the wall that served as my window. Not a window really, a hole for air to come into so I wouldn't suffocate when they left me for days without opening the cell door.

I shifted on the filthy blanket that served as my bed, moving to lay on my side in an attempt to get more comfortable. My jutting hip bone pressed against the stone floor and I moved again onto my back, hissing through my teeth as I pressed on a half healed wound from the whip. I didn't move again, I was to exhausted. Only today they'd fed me for the first time in over a month. They'd been giving me a potion to keep me alive so I wouldn't die of starvation and spoil their fun. I now probably weighed the same as a small child, my bones were clearly visible and I didn't have the energy to get up. I was dying.

Thats what the healer that came to see me today told them, I'd been coughing blood and they saw it fit to have me looked at, so the healer had come. She wasn't kind and tender like the other one, she was rough and uncaring as she examined me and told the warden in charge of me that the potion they were giving me to sustain my lack of food was killing me slowly and I was starving to death. She saw it as no great loss if I was to die here. Another nameless grave outside of the walls. Never mine how mighty I had been out side of this hell, how beautiful I was, how formidable with a wand and how loyal I was to my Lord and Master. Here, I was just 93.

I don't know how long it had been since I killed the warden, they'd punished me relentlessly. Dementors had shared my cell day and night for months and my body now had more scars to show from the beatings with whip and cane. The last time they whipped me, I frightened myself by laughing. A shrill bone chilling cackle that had stopped the warden in mid swing on his second lashing. He'd left me on the floor, my almost hysterical laughter ringing out through the cell. The seeds of insanity were growing, I could feel them in my head wrapping around my mind like Devils Snare and choking the light from within with shadows and darkness.

I was alone now, the monsters had taken the Dementors away and the darkness in my mind lifted just slightly. They'd taken to leaving one outside my cell door, why, I didn't know. It was there now, I could feel it's presence, I shivered and closed my eyes, my mind drifting in and out of sleep. I wished to be anywhere but here, I was cold, alone and lost. I hadn't seen Rodolphus for months, they'd kept him from me and I feared I'd never get to see him again. The thought drove icy daggers into my heart. What if he was already dead? What if he thought I was dead? I tried to sit up and failed, falling back again and staying still as my breathing grew a little harsh in my chest.

An image of Narcissa flooded to my mind, the pain on her face as I'd pushed her away the day I killed the warden, the sadness in her eyes at what they'd now made me. I rolled back onto my side and covered my eyes with my hand, it was to much for my mind to bare and I gave up and let sleep take me to dreams.

_I held her a little tighter in my arms and placed a tender kiss to her head, she was crying again. Her sobs were breaking my heart and there was nothing I could do about it. Tomorrow I was getting married to Rodolphus and leaving Black Manor forever and leaving her bed. I was to become another's wife and mine and Narcissa's relationship would go back to being nothing but sisterly. I wouldn't be unfaithful to my husband, so tonight was the last time I'd make love to her. _

_I hushed her softly as she mumbled into my neck, her tears wetting my skin and her grip on me getting tighter as she lifted her head and looked at me with tear filled eyes. _

_"Bella, please don't do this. Please don't leave me here, I-I need you. Please, run away with me. Just you and me, we'll go someplace on one knows us. . .Please." _

_I blinked back my own tears at her pleas, my heart aching for her pain. I didn't respond, she knew I wouldn't leave, how could I? I was in love with him, I wanted to be his wife. I shook my head and held her tighter, rubbing her bare back and kissing her tears._

_"Hush my pet, no more tears tonight. Lets not talk of it and just enjoy being together, Cissy. Just you and me." _

_Her eyes flashed angrily and she pushed me away from her and slid along the large bed to put distance between us. I stayed still and watched her, my own anger lifting it's head and getting ready to strike. _

_"It's not just you and me, Bellatrix. It's that oaf Rodolphus too, he's getting to keep you, to touch you, take from you what I should have. You took mine, yet you won't give me yours. . . You're giving it to him." _

_I sat up, the blanket falling from my shoulder to revile my naked breasts. She was talking of my virginity I refused to let her take. I wanted to be a virgin on my wedding night, like I was meant to be, I wanted Rodolphus to take it as my husband and I wasn't going to change my mind. I hadn't changed since she and I had first declared that we loved each other more than sisters. But I was in love with two people, him and her. _

_I tossed off the blankets and threw my legs over the side of the bed. I didn't want to stay and listen to this, not tonight. I wanted to be with my lover one last time, I didn't want to fight. I felt her arms around me before I had a chance to get up, she was whispering sorries in my ear and her hand were stroking my bare skin. I melted. She kissed my shoulder and I lent back into her as she pulled me back up the bed and lay me on my back, straddling my hips and looking down at me with her beautiful eyes. I reached up my hands and cupped her breasts, kneading them, teasing her pink nipples into hardness as she pressed her hips into mine and rocked back and forth slightly. I shifted my hips a little and she moaned as our naked cores connected and rubbed together, she rocked faster and her back arched slightly as my hands squeezed her breasts harder. She was so beautiful._

_I lifted my hips up into hers and she started to grind against me, her wetness mingling with mine. My hands moved from her breasts to her hips and I gripped them with bruising force, forcing her down harder. Her slick clit rubbed against my own and I tipped my head back as I trembled with the building climax. She moved harder and her hands gripped my wrists to steady herself as she stiffened and her orgasm shuddered through her, my own closely followed hers and my nails dug into her skin as I whispered her name. _

_I had no time to enjoy the after glow, she'd already slipped off me and was kissing the inside of my thigh, her delicate fingers spreading me open to her and her eager tongue lapping at my already hard nub. I cried out as she sucked it into her mouth, her teeth gently nipping on the sensitive flesh. She was moaning softly, her tongue moving all over my clit and I was at her mercy. My hand flew to her hair and I latched on and pushed her harder against me, my moans and cries getting louder and more frantic as she pushed me to orgasm. I screeched her name as I let go and fell from the edge and still she didn't stop, her fingers joined in and she pushed one inside me, not enough to break the barrier that kept me "pure" but enough so I could feel it. _

_My hips rocked against her and she moved her tongue faster and harder over my clit, her finger moved slowly in and out of me and before I could think I was breaking again, my back arched and I gripped the blankets in a vice like hold. She added another finger and pushed a little further inside, but stopped as she felt the resistance of my virginity, she didn't push on. _

_Again and again she pushed me over the edge, her tongue and fingers playing me like an instrument. I lost count how many time she made me peak and at the end when she lay next to me and pressed up against my side all I could whisper was "I love you." _

I woke with tears on my face and a pain in my heart so strong I thought it would break. I forced myself to sit up, my arms wrapping around myself as I rocked slightly back and forth, the cold in my cell the only thing wrapping around me, not her arms, not her love, just the cold. I closed my eyes and sobbed louder, my shoulders shaking from the force of my sorrow and misery. All I could whisper was "I love you."


	8. Year Seven

**/ Authors note: I am so sorry for the long wait in the update to this story. But here it is. I'd like to thank my Rodolphus for this twisted idea, he's my muse. Thank you, Dragon. May your twisted mind always enthrall me. **

**Enjoy the darkness and please review. **

_As beautiful as a scar_

_There's nothing quite like you_

_I cut myself on your lips_

_Let you lick mywounds_

_So southen is my Saviour_

_So sick inside my head_

_But if I let you resue me_

_Will I be left for dead? - My Ruin_

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It was dark, so dark and cold. I sat in the corner I'd learned to call home, my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them in an attempt to warm myself. I couldn't remember it ever being this cold. I was shivering so violently my body was aching from the constant movements, my bones and muscles screamed in protest as I moved my arm from around my legs and I winced in pain. How long had I been sat this way? My muscles had seized up and the blood in my body flowing back into them as I moved was agony.

I made a little noise of misery and discomfort and placed my thumb in my mouth. In the last year my childhood habit had slowly crept back, my mother would crucio me as a child every time she saw me suck my thumb, but it only made me do it all the more. Not because I wanted to disobey her, but because I did it when I was upset or frightened, it was a comfort to me. Cissy had her blanket, Andie had her doll, I sucked my thumb. I hadn't done it for years, my father was the one who finally broke the habit for me when I was eleven years old by telling me Hogwarts didn't accept people who sucked their thumbs. I never did it again, until now.

My eyes where wide in the darkness, I could hear things, squeaking and the scampering of tiny feet in my cell. The rats where feasting on the blood left on the stone floor. It was only a matter of time before the brave creatures tried a snap at me. I pressed my back into the cold stone wall, forgetting about my infected wounds. I hissed and bite down on my thumb that was still in my mouth, I tasted blood on my tongue, I'd broken skin. I shifted a little, the wounds where agony, every time I moved they'd pull and weep, they hurt all the time, but I was becoming numb to pain.

I was waiting, waiting for them to come. Always waiting. Today I'd almost killed a warden, the blood on my stone floor wasn't mine this time. I wondered if the bastard was dead yet, or if the healer had got to him before he bled to death like the stuffed pig he was. A manic laugh escaped my lips, muffled by the thumb still in my mouth. He wouldn't be fucking his wife for a while, if ever. The memory of the event played over in my head and I laughed again, sending the rats scurrying to hiding until the realized it was nothing to fear and went back to licking the blood off the floor. My clean up crew.

He'd screamed, screamed like a girl. His pleasure filled moans turning into screams of agony as my teeth clamped down on his erection he had forced between my lips. The blood was warm and tasted of copper, it made me feel sick as it slid down my throat but I didn't let go, it had taken two of them to get me off him. I sit and wonder where the sudden strength had come from, I hadn't even felt the whips on my skin until afterwards. They'd left me covered in his blood and my own as they dragged him screaming from my cell. I'd struggled to my feet, laughing and screeching, my hand lifting to point at him as he was dragged away, my wild eyes on his as he stared at me. I looked like something from the black abyss and I saw the fear in his eyes, I doubted I'd ever see him again.

I knew I was to be punished for what I'd done, but the descending madness wouldn't let me care, what could they do to me they hadn't already done? There was nothing they hadn't done to me or forced me to do, I'd felt the sting of the whips, the beatings, the starvation, the way they forced my legs apart and forced themselves on me like I was some kind of whore. Is that what I am now? A whore? A whore for the pleasure of men? I was losing myself. The once proud warrior queen that I was, was fading from my memories, all I could see now was the whore I had been forced to become.

I hadn't seen Rodolphus in so long, I didn't know if he was dead or alive, but I tried so hard to cling onto hope that he was. He was to strong to let them win, he loved me to much to leave me here alone. I kept telling myself that over and over like a mantra. My cell door opening made me jump and my heart began to hammer against my ribs, go away, just go away and leave me alone.

I covered my eyes from the sudden light that filled the cell, after being in the pitch black for hours the light burnt and I made a noise of protest at the pain in my head. I received a sharp kick the side and I recoiled blindly from who ever it was that was hurting me. The sound of chains and a low rumbling growl of anger made me brave the light and drop my hands from my eyes.

I let out a squeak of happiness and desperately tried to get to him, my shackles stopping me from moving to far. It didn't stop me trying, not even when the metal tightened on my wrists and bite into my skin. The wardens laughter sounded throughout the small cell but I ignored them and used my fading strength to try to get to him. He pulled at the chins binding him and it took four of them to hold him steady. I was crying, I could feel the tears slipping down my cheeks as my strength began to leave me.

"Aw, what's the matter, Princess? You look upset, something I can do to help?" The wardens voice was close to my ear and I tried to get away from him but the stone wall stopped me. His hand snaked down my chest, his other hand hitching up my uniform. I struggled, but he had me pinned to the wall on my knees. I watched Rodolphus' efforts to get to me, he was shouting, cursing and promising them all death. A sharp back hander to my face sent me into the wall and I cried out in pain as my infected wounds connected with stone.

I struggled to get up but the wand tip pressing into my chest stopped me. The warden hovered over me and he was smiling. I turned my head away, my eyes locking onto Rodolphus' grey ones a few feet away. He's stilled his movements too, afraid of what the warden would do to me. I was scared, he could see it in my eyes.

"Bella, Bella listen to me, be brave my Dark Sprite. Don't let them win, be brave." He spoke to me in that firm voice, the one he used to catch the attention of a room, the one he used on me when he was taking control of something.

"Rod. . . I-I'm scared."

I couldn't be brave anymore, and when the crucio hit me in the chest I screamed. My body bucked and writhed on the stone floor, the already infected and half healed wounds on my back opening again as I squirmed. I screamed louder.

I don't know how long it went on, they'd laugh and let the curse off, giving Rodolphus just enough room on his chins to almost get to me then they'd pull him back just as his hand brushed mine. That was worse than the Crucio's. To have him so close yet so far away, my heart broke a little more every time. By the time they'd decided to stop, I was whimpering and bleeding. Friction burns covered my skin from my writhing on the stone floor, I lay on my side, my arms wrapped around my head and tears leaking from my eyes. I felt like my brain was about to explode and I screamed in pain and despair as I was dragged to a sitting position and my arms where pulled from my head.

I had no fight left in me, I just sat there with my back against the wall, my eyes glazed and my lip trembling. My body jerked and spasmed from the after effects off the curse and Rodolphus voice was the only thing that stopped me from giving into the blackness that was tugging on my mind. I turned my head to look at him, he was bleeding to, his eyes where still defiant, even as they bound him tighter and kicked him.

I called to him, a weak and pathetic cry of desperation and need. I needed him, I was falling and he was my life line, I needed his arms around me, his strength, his comfort. My memories of us where becoming tainted, the loving times we shared where fading from my memories with each passing year. I was remembering only the bad times, the fights and the hurt. I needed him to remind me of those loving and tender moments, those whispered words of love in the dark.

He responded to my cry for him and fought with new vigor, but it was short lived. I don't know how it happened, it happened to fast. One moment he was inching ever closer to me, the next he was being held down in the blood from the warden I'd maimed. A flash of metal caught the light in the wardens hand and suddenly the cell was filled with Rodolphus' screams of pain.

I found new strength and pulled at my chains, my attempts where all in vain, but I tried anyway. My wide eyes where locked onto the metal clippers now wrapped around his finger, blood oozed from the deepening wound as the blades went deeper. There was a snapping sound as the clippers cut through bone and his finger fell to the floor, the wedding band I'd given to him still decorated it.

I stared in horror and my efforts to get to him only doubled, I was sobbing his name as they laughed and the warden with the scar picked up the bloodied finger. Rodolphus' chains where loosened and the warden gestured to him to go to me. With all his remaining strength he did so. He crossed the small gap between us, blood dripping from his hand as he wrapped me in his arms and I wailed and sobbed into his chest.

He was shaking from shock, a thin layer of sweat covering his skin but still he hushed me, still he held me. All the good memories came flooding back to me and I clung to him for as long as I could as he whispered he loved me over and over.

He was dragged away from me, out of the cell, his last words to me before he vanished from my sight where how much he loved me and how beautiful I was. The scar faced warden stepped forwards, a flick of his wand and my chains pulled me back, shortening and restricting my movements, I couldn't stand no move away from the wall. He was laughing as he hung Rodolphus' finger on a hook in the wall above my head, the blood dripped onto me and I couldn't move away. He laughed again as the door was slammed shut and I was left alone in the cell, the dim light my only comfort.

I tried to move away from the blood dripping into my hair, the crimson liquid hit my shoulder instead, it ran down my skin like a little red river and my tears soon followed. The rats would come back soon, when they realized it safe to emerge from their holes and I'd spend the next few hours kicking them away until I passed out from exhaustion.

I woke hours later on the cold floor, my body trembling and my head pounding. I looked up, it was gone. The rats had taken it and the ring that had once belonged to my great great grandfather along with it.


	9. Year Eight

**/ Authors note: Sorry again for the delay, here is the next chapter. **

**Thank you to my Rodolphus again for this idea at the end. He is a genius and deserves to be credited. Thank you, Dragon. **

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_Your own personal Jesus_

_Someone to hear your prayers_

_Someone who cares_

_Your own personal Jesus_

_Someone to hear your prayers_

_Someone who's there. -Marlyn Manson. _

I hissed in pain as I pulled the sharp stone out of the sole of my foot, warm blood trickled down my fingers from the small wound. The stone had gone in deep, I'd felt it there a few days before but hadn't bothered with it until now. The discomfort had gotten to much and I'd dug it out with my nails making the small wound bigger.

Holding the stone in my hand I examined it with rapt fascination as if I was looking at a precious stone, my blood covering it made it look like a ruby and a memory sprung to my mind. A memory lost and suddenly remembered. My head tilted as the images flooded my mind, broken at first then getting clearer. Christmas, snow, a ring, Rodolphus, laughter. They assaulted my mind like a spreading fire and I fell into a trance as I let them play out in my head. . .

_I'd been awake for over an hour watching the snow falling from the stone grey sky. It was still early, and Rodolphus was still sleeping in our bed. I'd climbed out of it to watch the white flakes float down from the heavens, sitting on the window sill wearing his white shirt I'd riped off him last night as we fell into bed and he claimed me like a wild thing. My screams and cries of pleasure last night could have woken the dead, and the noises only fueled him on. My wild beast, he had an appetite for me that never seemed to be satisfied. Not that I ever complained of course, even when my hips were aching from being spread for so long, or my core was burning from the rutting, I'd still tease him back to stiffness and bend over for him, or wrap my legs around his waist. Anyway he wanted me. _

_He grunted in his sleep and I slipped off the sill and padded bare foot to the bed, climbing back under the warm covers and pressing against his side. He smiled slightly as he opened his eyes and saw me looking at him, my sex and sleep tangled curls half covering my face. He tutted as he moved his hand to brush my hair away._

_"Mia Bella, why do you insist on hiding this beautiful face?" He said softly, his hand brushing down my cheek. _

_I smiled and lent my cheek into his hand, kissing his chest and nuzzling into him as his hand rubbed up and down my back. His touch was gentle and tender, people wouldn't think such a large and intimidating man could be so tender and loving. But he was with me. I looked up at him and met his grey eyes with my dark ones, his lips met mine in a kiss, soft and slow but it fast became more heated. He gripped me in an iron hold and pulled me on top of him, positioning me as he wanted me, my thighs either side of him as he sat me on his toned stomach. His grip on my hips tightened and he rocked me gently, making my core rub against his skin. I whimpered. He groaned. I let him push my down to his growing erection rubbing me over the hardness. I was making louder noises now, feeling myself getting wet._

_"Rod. . .Oh that's nice." I whispered as his one hand moved from my hip to fondle my clit, his expert fingers rubbing and tugging at the bundle of nerves in the way he knew I liked so much. _

_He growled at my moans, lifting me and moving me to place the head of his erection at my dipping entrance. He pulled me down onto him so brutally I yelped and dug my nails into his wrists that I was currently clinging to. His hand went back to my hip so he could guild me to ride him. I complied to him and rode him furiously, my back bent and my head thrown back. He was grunting, I was crying out. _

_"Look at me Bella, let me see you." _

_I looked down at him under me and rode him harder, my hands moved from his wrists and gripped the iron headboard where the satin scarves I used to tie him last night were still there. I gripped the rails for balance, my hips rocking against him and his hand lifting me and pulling me back down again onto his thrusting shaft. _

_"Oh. . .Oh gods. . .Rod. I-I'm gonna. . ." _

_His hand moved back to my clit and he twisted it hard. That was all I needed, I shattered in a string of curses and screeches. He thrust a few more times into my tense walls, I ground down on him and his eyes rolled back as he groaned my name, spilling inside me. I fell on top of him, panting and trembling. His hands still gripping my hips. I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beating. _

_"I love you, mia Bella. My beautiful Dark Sprite." _

_He mumbled in my ear lovingly as he slipped out of my wet heat and rolled me onto my back. He kissed me softly, leaning over me. I didn't see his hand go under his pillow, I was still recovering from the climax he'd just given me._

_I looked down as he placed a small red box wrapped in black satin ribbons on my chest. My lips lifted into a smile as he moved for me to sit up, I looked at him and he nodded, encouraging me to open it. I did and I gasped as I saw the ring inside. It was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. Sliver, with a red ruby in the center surrounded by small black diamonds. He took it from the box and slipped it on my finger, it was a perfect fit. I squealed and flung my arms around his neck, smothering him in sloppy kisses. He laughed that rumbling laugh I adored and held me against him, his hand gently untangling the knots in my hair. _

_"It's beautiful, but it's not Christmas till tomorrow." I said admiring the ruby in the light from the window a little while later as I lay in his arms. _

_He laughed at my childlike actions, brushing his hand down my face and kissing my forehead. _

_"I don't need an excuse to spoil you my warrior queen. I love to see you smile. I live to make you happy, Bella." _

_We stayed in bed most of that day, I thanked him again and again and outside the snow fell in silent flakes to cover the world in a white blanket. _

I held the stone in my hand so tightly it had cut my palm open, I had tears in my eyes as I relived the memory. I opened my hand and let the stone fall to the floor, the tears slipped down my cheeks and I screamed in anger, pain and misery. I hid my head in my hands and screamed until my throat was raw. In my anguish, I didn't notice the large black dog that had slipped into my cell through the bars. It sat opposite me, waiting for me to notice it.

I don't know how long I sat there and sobbed, or how long the dog sat there watching me. When I finally looked up and my gaze fell on the black dog watching me, I thought I was hallucinating. I tilted my head. The dog copied me. It's tail thumped on the stone floor as it wagged it in greeting. I stayed perfectly still, not moving for long moments, it was the dog that moved first, it lay on it's stomach and inched closer to me, its head almost on it's paws. I pressed my back into the wall, my father had kept hounds for hunting and they were never to friendly to me.

It stopped an inch away from me and I stiffened as it rested it's head on my thigh a small whine leaving it's throat. Gingerly I lifted my hand and placed it on the course fur on it's head. It's tail wagged again and I found myself smiling as it's tongue lolled out and it moved to sit at my side, leaning on me and giving me it's body heat. It was as tall as me, it smelled like rain and earth and after a few moments, I dropped my head against it's shoulder and it rested it's own on top of mine, almost human like.

I had no idea where it had come from, it was thin and I could see all it's ribs, much like I could see my own. It's fur was course and flecked with grey around it's long muzzle. It was a boy, and I smiled at the irony of it. I spent the next few hours, laying on my side curled around his body, I felt warm for the first time in long months. He licked my hands and my nuzzled into my neck, making me laugh. A sound that was strange to me, I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed.

I fell asleep with my head on his neck and my arms around him. He didn't seem to mind being half strangled and placed his paws on my chest. A soft whisper made me stir, I heard my name being spoken in a soft and gentle whisper. I heard the words, I never stopped loving you. I forced my eyes open, and turned to the sound of the voice, there was no one there. I sat up just in time to see the dog I had shared my cell with slip through the bars of my cell and vanish from my sight.


	10. Year Nine

**/ Sorry for the long pause between updates, I don't really an excuse so I won't make one up. Anyway, heres the next chapter. Thank you for all the reviews. Again my thanks to my Rodolphus and my Hermione for just being themselves.**

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_Lend me your ear while I call you a fool._

_You were kissed by a witch one night in the wood,_

_and later insisted your feelings were true._

_The witch's promise was coming,_

_believing he listened while laughing you flew_. -Jethro Tull.

I hadn't seen the dog that had appeared in my cell for months. Maybe I'd imagined the whole thing, it wouldn't be the first time I'd done that. I once woke from a nightmare to see my mother standing over me with the cane in her hand ready to strike me, I'd cowered away from her, my back pushed against the cold stone wall of my cell, my head hidden in my arms waiting for the first strike. It never came and when I opened my eyes she wasn't there any more. She never had been. But the dog had felt real, I remember the warmth he had given me as I wrapped my body around him. He'd seemed so human. But now, after months I wondered if he existed at all.

I ventured close to the bars of the tiny cell and dared a peep outside down the hall as far as I could see. It was quite apart from the occasional moan of a dying man somewhere down in the darkness. The few touches that lit the hallway did little to push back the darkness of the night, it was like a living thing and if I stared to long I swear it would move. It was always dark in Azkaban but in the day light at least some of the shadows evaporated, but when the light vanished the darkness seemed to breath like an entity. I'd never been frightened of the dark as a child, but now as a woman it terrified me. I lent my side against the bars, my knees were tucked up to my chest trying to get some warmth into my body. It was always cold. So cold.

My over grown nails lightly scrapped at the bars making a sound similar to that when one drags a fork over a china plate, it pieced my ears but I did it again, harder this time making the sound echo throughout the hall. Someone made a noise in another cell not far from mine and I did it again, I was smiling now, more shouts started to pick up and I lifted both my hands and got to my knees, the cold forgotten for the moment and I dragged my nails down the iron bars. The noise was like something from the dark abyss. It bounced off the stone wall, a high pitched shrieking sound that grew in volume the harder I pressed. The shouts had grown in volume too, the noise of metal meeting metal added to the sound, I'd started a riot.

I was laughing like a deranged woman, my own screeches and screams added to the din of the noise all around the Super Max. The sound of whips and stunning spells sounded down the hall, the wardens had come to stop the riot before it got out of hand. I scrambled to my feet, still laughing and shrieking. The darkness in my own mind was slowly taking me over completely. The years I'd been here had taken it's toll and the darkness was claiming me more and more, I tried to fight it sometimes, but it was getting to strong. I didn't have Rodolphus to keep me grounded anymore, I was losing my mind and I was powerless to stop it happening. But in a way, I didn't want to fight it. It was an escape from the reality that was my existence in this living nightmare.

The warden that stopped outside my cell hesitated to approach, he was new to this hell and I could see the fear in his eyes. His first riot. I dropped my madding grin and slipped down to the stone floor again, my mad eyes taking on a pitiful and sorrowful look. I was shivering again, tears sprang to my big doe eyes and I lifted my hand to him at the same time as I shuffled backwards to the middle of the cell. I didn't take my eye off him as I let a few tears slip I could see his confusion and I played on it even more, a broken sob sounding in my throat. He was battling with himself, I could read it on his face. He'd obviously been warned about me but I was the most engaging actress and I was woman. One of only two others here, the other two passed as men so they didn't count. But I, I was fragile looking and pitiful and he, he was feeling my pain.

"Please. . .I'm scared. . .Cold, so cold." I whispered the words in a little choked sob, shivering more violently as I saw him glance down the hall to the other wardens who were trying to subdue other prisoners.

I watched him open the iron door with a whispered word and a flick of his wand he stepped inside, I didn't move. I shivered harder, my hand still lifted to him as he took a few steps towards me. _Closer, little boy. Just a little closer. I need your wand that's all, just your wand and maybe your life._ The whip in his other hand made me flinch and cower back as he shifted, my mask of sorrow slipping to one of real fear, but he held up his hand and placed the whip on the floor, his eyes on my face and mine on the whip. He was approaching me as if I was an aggressive dog he was trying to tame, he stayed crouched on the floor. I'd dropped my hand and he reached out his as he scooted a little closer. He was young, no older than twenty. His first job maybe, shame he would never have another.

I lunged forwards and was on him before he had a chance to react, my claw like nails went for his eyes, but I was weak from near starvation and he easily over powered me. I felt blood on my hands and I could hear him shouting for help as he pinned me to the floor. I'd not give up so easy, I fought like a wild thing, his wand was on the floor not a foot away from me, I was trying to get to it, screaming my rage as he sat on my back and pinned my wrists behind me. I was numb to the pain of his weight on the wounds on my back or my ribs being pressed into the cold stone floor. The wand was so close I could feel it's magic.

More voices were in the cell now, others had come to aid the boy and I felt two pairs of hands grip my arms and hurl me to my feet. I was being held off the floor between the wardens, still screaming my rage. A lashing turned the scream to pain and I struggled to get free from the tight grip. I could see the boy clutching his face and the blood running from a gouge in his cheek. I was hurled from the cell half being carried and half dragged, my wrists were suddenly bound behind my back as I lead to the shower rooms. I was still fighting to get free, the adrenaline making me stronger than I should have been in my emaciated state.

The first thing I felt was the cold of the water as I was thrown into the over sized tub. I coughed on a lungful of it as I was pulled to my knees by my tangled and matted curls. I couldn't hear what they were saying and before I could even try to fight again my head was pushed under the water. Panic gripped me and I struggled to free myself from his hand in my hair. He pulled me up again and I took rasping breaths of air but not enough before I was forced under into the water I was fast thinking was going to become my reaper. My lungs were burning and my mind going fuzzy and hazy as my struggles became weaker. I gasped and coughed up liquid from my lungs as my head broke the surface again.

"Thought that was clever didn't you? Not so clever now are you, Princess?" His voice sounded distant but I shook my head weakly and continued to cough up the water that I'd swallowed.

I heard the whip before I felt it on my back but before I had a chance to scream I was pushed back under in the icy pool. I don't know how long it went on, it could have been hours or minutes but by the time they'd finished I was sobbing and begging them to stop. I couldn't stand as I was pulled from the bath, my prison uniform clung to me and the cold was over bearing as I was carried back to my cell, my back was bleeding with fresh wounds from the whip and I made a pitiful noise as I was dropped to the floor in my cell, I didn't even have the strength to try to pull away when the shackles where snapped back in place. Sweet unconsciousness had claimed me.

I woke up with the feeling of a warm body next to mine, turning my head weakly my eyes fell on the ragged fur of the black dog. He was pressed against me giving me his body heat. I was still shivering but his warmth had probably saved my life. I let out a soft painful cry as I moved to lay my side, the wounds pulled and my lungs were aching and even breathing was painful. He whined as he rested his head on my arm, letting me curl around him. Slowly my shivering subsided and I fell asleep. When I woke some hours later, he was gone.


	11. Year Ten

**/ This is a rather dark chapter, Rodolphus is such a brave man. Enjoy my faithful servants. . . I mean readers. And also thank you to all the people who reviewed the last chapter. **

**My Rodolphus, this chapters for you.**

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_I see her coming_

_Filled in her disease_

_Don't bother runnin'_

_She sees me_

_Her smile is thick_

_So sick there ain't no cure_

_I never wanna be just like her... no_

_BURN... burn_

_Burn the witch _~My Ruin~

The dog came to visit me almost every day after he saved my life that day. I'd have died from hypothermia if he had of kept me warm, I never thought I'd ever be indebted to a dog. I'd find myself waiting for him, sitting close to the bars of the cell when the wardens unshackled me to look up the hall way for any sight of him, I longed for the company and the warmth of his body. He was more like a human than an animal, I'd talk to him and I swear he would listen to me. He was the only thing holding my onto the little bit of sanity I had left.

I awoke from the nightmare screaming, sitting up so fast I yanked on the chains and the shackles tightened around my sore wrists. The wardens hadn't taken them off for three days and already the tender and fragile skin was breaking down again, the scars were the worst I'd ever seen. Deep rutted and angry looking, they hurt all the time, itched and burned and with the metal cutting into them it only took a few days for the skin to split.

I didn't notice the pain at first, the nightmare was to real and I spent five minutes frantically looking around the tiny cell for the Dementor that had been sucking the life from me. I was alone save for the rat that was sniffing around my legs at the dried on blood from the grazes on my knees.

It was only then I became aware of the noise outside in the hall, there was shouting and the sound of the cracking whip. I jumped every time I heard the sound, my eyes staring at the iron door. _Whip, whip, whip_. My body was reacting as if the lashings were my own, the agony shooting up my spine. I was whimpering and moving back into the wall as much as I could. _Whip, whip, whip_. I was trembling now, a thin layer of sweat covered my body but I was so cold. _Whip, whip, whip_. . .I jumped as I felt a sharp pain on my calf, the rat that had been sniffing at me had dug it's teeth into my skin. I yelped and kicked it away, it rolled across the floor and made a squeaking sound as it got to it's feet again. The small wound from it's teeth was trickling blood and I watched the creature as it began to creep back to me.

Loud voices coming towards my cell stopped it's decent and the iron door swinging open made it turn tail and run back into it's hole. I tried to get to my feet, falling down again as my legs refused to listen to me. The scar faced warden aided my fall back to the floor with a kick in the ribs, I made a little noise of pain and wrapped her arms around myself as best I could with the chins restricting my movements. He leered at me and I backed away as much as the wall would allow. As cowardly as it would seem, a woman of my status, a Death Eater to the Dark Lord, his best and most loyal servant to be cowering away from these men. . .But I was a woman first, before all those things I was a woman and ten years of abuse, torture and sexual violation had knocked me down to the ground so many times I was finding it almost impossible to get up again, only when the madness took me could I fight, I'd fight so hard it took two of them to hold me, but the madness was a fickle thing, coming and going when and as it pleased.

I winced as his hand gripped my tangled curls and yanked my head back so far I though he was going to snap my neck. I tried not to make any sound at the pain and his lips moving along my throat. I felt sick and that cold clutch of dread gripped my heart. It didn't matter how many times they forced me to do things, how many times they forced my legs apart and raped me it felt the same every time. I thought by now I'd be numb to it, but I wasn't, I still felt the same as the first time they'd held me down and forced my husband to watch as the violated me.

An angry shout and a fussing commotion made me open my eyes and try to look at what was going on. A strangled cry left my lips and I struggled like a wild thing to get to him. They had Rodolphus roped and immobile, wands pointed at him from the three wardens holding him down. He was looking at me, his grey eyes locked onto my brown ones and all my memories of him came flooding back in a wave of emotion so strong I pulled free of the wardens grip. . . Or, he left me go.

At the same time the ropes that were binding Rodolphus were gone, all but the one around his neck that was so tight it was a wonder he could breathe, my shackles were removed and before I knew what was happening he had me wrapped in his arms. I clung to him as tightly as I could, he was thinner, much thinner, but the strength was still there. It still took three of them to hold him.

He rocked me as I rambled to him, half of the things I was saying made no sense but he let me go on, his arms tight around my body. I could feel his hand tracing my ribs and I felt him tense as he felt my spine through my uniform. I looked up at him with tear filled eyes, he looked worn but his eyes were the same, defiant and full of fire. I wondered if mine still looked like that, or if they held the pain I felt inside. He cupped my face and kissed my forehead, his thumbs brushing my cheeks.

"My Bella, I've missed you mon cherie." He whispered to me as I reached up my hands and covered his, my eyes widening as I felt the missing finger on his left hand where they'd removed it a few years before.

I moved his hand to look at it, the stump had healed badly and the scar was horrific to look at, but I lifted it to my lips and placed a tender kiss to it. He smiled at my loving action and our eyes met again, lost in the moment frozen in time, until the scar faced wardens voice broke the connection.

"As touching as this little reunion is, we don't have all day. Come on Lestrange, you haven't forgotten the deal already have you?"

I felt Rodolphus tense and my heart quickened in panic. Deal, what deal? I was confused and it must have shown because the warden laughed.

"Why don't you explain it to her, Lestrange? Or better yet, show her."

Rodolphus grip on me tightened and I struggled not to show the pain as he crushed my bruised ribs, I didn't want him to let me go, he kissed me softly and I was all to aware of the people in the cell with us but I didn't pull away, his lips on mine felt like home. It was only when his hand moved up my thigh that I tensed and pulled away.

"Rod. . .Don't, I-I don't want. . . " I didn't want them to watch, I wanted him to love me but not with the monsters looking at us. But he didn't stop.

I grabbed his hand and tried to stop it's movements but he was stronger than me and before I could tell him to stop he had me on my back and his weight pinned me to the floor. I was pushing on his shoulders to try to dislodge him but it was no use. His one hand was fumbling to free his erection while the other held me down. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt him kissing the tears away. Why was he doing this? I didn't want to be with him this way, not while they were standing over us.

I was tense and tried to close my legs but he was between them and I couldn't so I twisted and struggled to try to get away as I felt the head of his erection pushing against me.

"Stop. . . Roddie please don't."

I was sobbing now and at first I didn't hear him whisper in my ear, he was hurting me as he was trying to push himself inside me, I wasn't ready for him and I was dry. It burnt and I cried out in pain, tensing up even more. It was then I heard him, he was talking to me in French so the monsters behind couldn't understand him.

"Bella, Bella listen to me, relax, please darling. I'm sorry, so sorry but they. . .Please my beautiful star, I don't want to hurt you."

I stopped my struggles and our eyes connected again. He was showing me things, the wardens, the lashings, I could hear scar face talking to him as he still fought to stay on his feet. . .

_"I'll never hurt my wife, you can do what you want to me, I'll not play your sick games you filthy half blood." Rodolphus spat as his chest heaved with the effort of staying on his feet after the lashings. _

_The warden laughed and the whip came down again from the other monster behind him. He grunted but didn't fall. _

_"Is that so, Lestrange? Maybe you need convincing to play our "sick games." then. You see, this job is terribly boring and we need to find ways to stay entertained." The whip came down again, harder this time. "Either you do what I want you to do and fuck your pretty wife till she's bleeding or, we'll do it and she gets to spend the rest of the year with a Dementor as a cell mate." _

_His fury was raw and it took them over an hour to get the raging man subdued. He wouldn't have given in, they'd have had to have killed him first but he knew if he didn't do as they said, my fate would have been so much worse. . . ._

I understood and as much as I could I relaxed under him, my tense muscles eased enough so he could push inside me easier. I whimpered at the pain but he hushed me, there were tears in his eyes as he began to move. I tried to pretend it was just us, just me and him in our bed, that I was warm and safe and he was making love to me without the dirty eyes of the monsters watching us.

He was gentle and slow and I know I shouldn't have but I felt myself begin to respond to him. My hips began to met his and the pain was ebbing to pleasure as I felt myself getting wet as he kissed my neck and whispered he loved me over and over again. I'd forgotten that we weren't alone, I'd forgotten where we were all I could feel was him inside me, filing me and loving me like nothing had ever happened. I was making little noises of pleasure now, my arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled him closer as my inner walls began to tense at my coming climax. He was looking down at me with adoration in his eyes and my own widened as I felt his erection twitching inside, he was swollen and ready to break. I broke first and he covered my lips with his as I clutched at him, his own climax prolonging mine as I felt the hot fluid from him filling me. He was mumbling against my ear,_ I love you, I love you, I love you. Don't forget how much I love you. _I was warm and even though this was twisted and wrong, I felt loved, his weight on me making me feel safe.

But then he was gone, I struggled to sit up and close my legs, pulling my uniform down to cover myself but the warden forced them apart again, he thrust his fingers inside me and I made a noise of pain and protest, feeling my stomach flip at the invasion. He pulled them out again and tutted as he stood.

"I said to make her bleed, not make her come."

Rodolphus was looking at me with that same adoration in his eyes and I tried to get to my feet to go to him, but I was kicked back down again. He tried to defend me, but he was pulled back, the rope around his neck making him cough and choke.

I watched on in growing panic as the scar faced warden spoke to him in hushed whispers so I couldn't hear, that feeling of dread coming back again. Something was about to happen, I could feel it. My eyes followed the whip as it was passed to the younger warden who prided himself on taking flesh from bone with his lashings, he sneered at me and I cowered away as the whip was lifted and swung around his head. I saw scar face point to the door, I couldn't see it, but I felt the Dementors presence and as much as I tried not to I cried and covered my head with my arms. No, please, please anything but that, please.

I didn't see them thrust the whip handle into Rodolphus hand, he was looking at my cowering form, tears tracked his face, yes, he was crying as he lifted the whip and brought it down across my shoulder. I screamed as the leather connected with my skin, he hadn't hit me hard enough to break skin but the pain was still intense. I heard voices, felt the preance of the Dementor get closer, the whip came again and this time the skin it met broke. I screeched in agony and turned away, trying to cower from the whip. I heard a man crying and I peeped around to see the whip in Rodolphus' hand. A thousand emotions ran through me hurt, betrayal,fear. . .

He read it in my eyes and the whip fell to the floor, he was sobbing like a broken man. The wardens were laughing and scar face picked up the whip and roughly grabbed my hair and yanked me to my feet to examin the wound Rodolphus had caused. Seemingly satisfied he pushed me back down again and all I could do was stare as my heart broke. He was led from my cell and the door slammed locked behind them. I was left to sob into my own hands. Hours later after I'd curled myself up in a pathetic ball in the floor, I heard the tapping of claws on the walking across the cell and my companion lay next to me as I cried into his fur.


	12. Year Eleven

**/ This chapter was role played by me and my Sirius who is also my Rodolphus so I'd like to credit him for this chapter. Thank you, PadFoot. **

**Thank you to all the people who stick with me on this. This chapter isn't as dark as the others nor is it as long as some of them but I can't do anymore on this one without spilling into the next one so bare with me my faithful readers. Enjoy. **

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_I'm longing for love and the logical_

_But he's only happy hysterical_

_I'm waiting for some kind of miracle_

_Waited so long...so long. ~Kelly Clarkson~_

The dog came to see me almost every day after the horrible incident with Rodolphus. I didn't know how I was meant to be feeling about what he did, I understood he had no choice but that didn't stop it hurting my heart. I was vaguely aware that I was sipping into darkness more and more, days would pass without me remembering them and I wake up with my throat raw from screaming and blood dried on my hands, gashes covered my arms where I'd try to rip off my own skin. The whip lash Rodolphus had given me had got infected, maybe that was the reason I was losing my mind, nothing to do with the years of pain, suffering and humiliation. . . No, it was my blood being poisoned with infection. . .Yes, of course that was it. . .

I laughed at the thought, a high pitched cackle that bounced off the walls of my cell. I was kidding myself, I was losing my mind and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Rodolphus' action be they his own fault or not had tipped me over and it was only the company of the mangy black dog that was keeping me from becoming totally lost to the darkness. My laughter died away as I heard a commotion down the hall way, the sound of whips and screams carried to me ears and I shrank back against the wall and tried to stay quiet, maybe if I was silent they'd forget I was here. _Don't be stupid, Bellatrix. They know you're here you pathetic whining little girl. _I jumped at the voice in my head, it was happening more and more, it was a woman and it was filled with hate and scorn, it was my mother. I covered my ears with my hands and whimpered.

"Go away, leave me alone. . . " I whispered to the darkness, it laughed at me.

_Death Eater, warrior, don't make me laugh. You're nothing but a whore, a whore to be used and tossed away. Pathetic, weak little girl._ Where was my dog? He kept the voice away, his warm body kept the voice away, his strange human kindness kept the voice away, where was he? I pressed my hands to my ears tighter and the sound of the whip up the hall way dimmed somewhat but the voice stayed, taunting me and making tears roll down my cheeks. _Weak, pathetic_. . .

It went on for a while until everything fell silent and I dared to lower my hands from my aching ears and open my eyes. I heard the dog before I saw him, his over grown claws tapping the stone floor as he walked, but it sounded different. After hearing the sound of his foot falls for so long I knew there was something different about his walk and when I saw him as he squeezed himself through the iron bars I knew why, he was limping and he was covered in lashings.

I let out a little cry of distress and scrambled to my feet, but I was shackled and couldn't get to him. He collapsed on the floor with a little whine looking up at me with his big black eyes. What had happened to him? I'd never really felt anything for animals in the past, they were there to be used as we needed them, the only things I felt anything for were the birds I used to keep. Ravens and owls but other than that my other animals were for my own gain. But this dog, as strange as it was for me, I loved him.

I sank to my knees and whispered to him, coaxing him to get up and come to me. Slowly inch by inch he did until his head was on my lap and I was gently stroking his fur, hushing him softly as I looked over his wounds.

"My poor boy, what happened to you? Did the wardens catch you? I told you to be careful." I was talking to him as if he was a human being, I always did and the voice in my head had gone silent.

He whined but his long tail thumped the floor weakly as I spoke to him, I had nothing to give him or anyway to help him with apart from gently wiping at his wounds with my thread bare blanket. It didn't help but he seemed to calm under the touches of my hands. I was looking down at him as he gave a sort of coughing bark that sounded all to human, my head tilted and my eyes widened as he began to change. I made a noise of shock and fear as I scrambled backwards away from him as his black fur began to shrink and his front legs became arms. . . I'd lost my mind, that was it, I'd gone over the edge and lost my mind. He was no longer a dog, he was a man but not just any man, he was Sirius Black.

I was pressed tightly against the wall, my eyes twice their normal size as I stared at my disowned cousin laying on the stone floor of my cell. All these years, it was him. An Animagi in the family and none of us knew. I was rooted to the spot as he coughed and sat up, looking at me with those dark eyes.

"Hello, cousin." He rasped the words and coughed again, he was in a worse state than I was but I was livid with anger and in a fit of fury I tried to throw myself at him.

Lucky for him the chains stopped me from getting to him and I was pulled back just a foot away from where he was. He looked up at me with something short of amusement in his eyes as I raged and screamed at him. All this time he'd been a DOG! All this time. . . I'd questioned my own sanity on how this mutt had been so human like and here was my answer, he was human. I felt the metal tightening on my wrists as I tried to get to him to rip him apart but I didn't stop. It was only when I'd worn myself out did I fall back to the floor and lay panting on my side did he move forwards.

There were tears in my eyes now as he sat right next to me, confident I'd exhausted my anger and I wouldn't attack him. A tear rolled down my cheek and he tenderly wiped it away with his finger.

"Don't cry, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but there's so many reasons why."

I sniffled and looked at him trying to understand why he didn't tell me, or show me sooner.

"Why? All this. . .T-time, why didn't you show yourself?"

He took a breath and ran his hand though his matted hair like he used to do when he was unsure about something, though he'd not taken his hand from my cheek and I didn't tell him to, the touch was warm and felt so tender I could have wept at the contact of a loving touch.

"I was afraid. Afraid you'd push me away when you realized it was me, the feel of your touch on me has kept me going. I wake up looking forward to something. . . Looking forward to sneaking through the bars and coming here to you. I thought if you knew it was me you'd not want to see me anymore even though I'm an adorable dog."

His lame attempt at humor made my lips twitch into a ghost of a smile and I watched him as he moved to rest his back against the wall. The loss of his touch on my face made me move with him, and I knew it was wrong, and I knew I'd be branded a Blood-Traitor for even talking to him but I lay my head on his lap and felt his arm wrap around me and for the first time in long years I felt the kindness of human contact without anything malicious attached to it. His hand was stroking me gently and I pressed into him tighter, wrapping myself around him.

"What's your name?" I whispered to him as my eyes began to slip shut.

He knew what I meant and he chuckled lightly as his fingers began to gently untangle the knots in my hair. His own wounds must have been paining him but he made no complaint of them as he focused his attentions on me.

"PadFoot."

I smiled slightly, PadFoot. I liked it. We talked for hours, he told me things and I for reasons I'd never know told him the things the wardens had done to me. I cried and he hushed me, telling me how brave I was and that they'd never break a spirit as strong and as passionate as mine and I believed him. He promised to stay with me, he promised to come back everyday and stay with me as long as he could, he told me he never stopped loving me. I believed every word he said, but I should have known nothing lasts forever.

I fell asleep in his arms as he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead and whispered to me I was beautiful.


	13. Year Twelve

**/ Author's notes: Updates are slow on this story I know, but you have to understand I have a lot going in my life and this story I find hard to write, so it tends to be left until I'm in the right frame of mind and honestly, I'm finding it really to carry on with it, give me something to let me know to carry on. . . Anyway, here's the next chapter, enjoy.**

_You're such an inspiration for the ways_

_That I'll never ever choose to be_

_Oh so many ways for me to show you_

_How the savior has abandoned you_

_He did this_

_Took all you had and_

_Left you this way_

_Still you pray, you never stray_

_Never taste of the fruit_

_You never thought to question why _ ~A Perfect Circle~

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For the first time since I came to this hell, I felt some what happy again. It never lasted long, the Dementors always came and sucked it out of me, but the time Sirius spent with me I felt it, that spark of something far from the misery we both felt everyday, every night, every moment. We comforted each other, talked about better times, laughed even. We talked about school, and how we used to pretend to not notice each other, we whispered about how naughty we'd been the night his parents disowned him and we ended up making love on his muggle motor bike before he drove away and left me watching him leave my life forever, well, forever we thought it would be. Who knew we'd meet again in living hell?

I was leaning into his side and he had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, he was quieter than normal. He'd not spoke much and I knew there was something on his mind, something he wasn't telling me, he was my family after all, my blood, and we'd been best friends before everything had changed. I lifted my head from his chest to look at him, the warmth of his body felt wonderful and I snuggled into his side closer like a little child would for comfort from a parent. I'd not asked him what was bothering him, I was waiting for him to tell me, it was clear now he wasn't going to talk so I broke the silence.

"Something's bothering you?"

He looked down at me with that silly half smile on his face and rose an eyebrow.

"What makes you say that, cous? Look at the five star living we have here, what could possibly be bothering me?"

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm, he'd always been a cocky git.

"Hm, yes very funny. Hardy haha. No, there's something on your mind, I know you well enough."

I tried again, and this time I saw something in his eyes, a flash of something, guilt? It vanished to fast for me to get a grip with it. Sitting up I studied him, he looked back at me with almost identical eyes to mine, only mine were slightly darker.

"It's nothing, Bella. Don't worry yourself over nothing."

That look again, that flash of guilt, yes it was guilt. I was worried, what had he done to make him feel guilty to look at me? My hand gripped his arm and I tilted my head at him, searching his eyes.

"If it's nothing why are looking at me like that?" There was a hint of annoyance and panic in my tone, I was having more and more trouble controlling my emotions, and he picked up on my changing mood and instantly his arms were around me and he pulled me into his chest, hushing me softly.

"Hey hey, hush now. It's alright, don't get working yourself up again."

I stayed still in his arms leaning against him and closing my eyes. It was when he was holding me this way I missed Rodolphus all the more, but the comfort his arms brought to me made me never want him to let me go. We stayed that way for a while, him rocking me gently and me dozing in his arms. I lifted my head when he placed a kiss to my tangled curls, I knew it was time for him to go back to his own cell. Reluctantly I made to move away but he caught my hand and pulled me back, embracing me and whispering in my ear how much he loved me, how he shouldn't love me, but he did, he always had and he always would. . . No matter what.

I felt him shift and change and before I could say anything he wasn't a man anymore, but the big black dog that had came to me and kept me warm all that time ago. I sighed sadly, it was always when he had to leave I felt that pull of loneliness I knew was to come until he came back. Stroking his fur I kissed his head and he licked my hands and my face a few times before he slunk through the bars and vanished. If only I'd known what he was going to tell me the next time he came, I may not have let him go.

I woke to the feeling of a hand gently brushing the hair from my face, I didn't know how much time had passed since I'd seen my cousin last, it could have days or weeks, time didn't mean anything here. He was frowning, I had dried blood on my arms and deep scratches on my skin. No warden had done that to me, it was my own hands that had inflicted the wounds. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me holding on to my little bit of sanity, the pain it kept me feeling something other than self loathing. But seeing him sitting at my side made me somewhat smile. He didn't return it.

"You hurt yourself again, Bella."

I winced in discomfort as I sat up, the shackles around my sore wrists ratted the chains they were attached to as I moved, looking down at my bloodied arms and the cuts on my skin, did he expect me to say anything about it? I didn't. I heard him sigh and I looked at him as he smoothed a hand down my face.

"I'm leaving Bella, I came to say goodbye. I-I'm sorry. . . I want to take you with me but you know I can't. I have to save him, I have to. Harry's in trouble, I have to do something. . ." His voice was filled with emotion and a tear slipped down his face as he spoke.

I stared at him stupidly, Harry? As in Potter. . . ? Of course as in Potter. . . I couldn't speak, the emotions welling in my wouldn't let me. My dark eyes filled with tears , he was leaving me here? Leaving me here alone to face the monsters? How he was planning to escape I didn't care, all I could hear was that he was leaving me here alone. I gripped his arm and looked at him pleadingly. Tears slipping from my eyes as he moved away.

"Sirius. . . Please don't leave me here! Please don't go. . . You promised you'd stay, you promised you'd stay with me, you can't leave me here!"

My voice was rising on very word and I'd scrambled to my feet, funny how a starved person will find strength from the depths of their souls when the emotions they feel are strong enough. He shook his head and I saw the anguish in his eyes as he stepped out of my reach, my chains stopping me from grabbing at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I tugged on my chins, screeching and screaming at him to not leave me. That I couldn't be alone without him now, that I loved him to much to not be with him. The next thing I knew I was pinned to the wall and his lips had latched onto mine. I tasted his tears and mine mingling, all the pain and agony I was feeling inside, the hurt and the heart ache was to much, I couldn't breathe but I didn't want to breathe, I was happily drowning in his kiss. He broke it and rested his forehead on mine.

"I love you, cousin."

I didn't reply as he moved away again, the pain inside me making me choke and my tears blinding me. He'd betrayed me, he'd lied to me, he was leaving me here to run to save the brat that had put me here, that was the down fall of my beloved Master. I felt something inside me break, was it my heart? Was it was only last remaining bit of sanity. Whatever is was, it had broken.

Sirius left me alone in my cell, his furry tail the last thing I saw as he slipped through the bars and out of my life for a second time. I lunged at where he'd been, the chains wouldn't give but I fought them until I slipped to the cold stone floor and couldn't get up again, my chest hurting as I screamed in pain, fury and betrayal. I screamed until the wardens came to silence me, and even then I screamed, they lashed me into silence until only whimpers left my lips and even then inside I was still screaming.


End file.
